S4E16 Sometimes feminist content creators hurt sisterhood

✅Check out my #bowthoughts on a previous video on "Melanin and Mindsets: BOW perspective why Black Women struggle with Sisterhood" https://youtube.com/live/NsVgY_sCcdo

✅Check out my #bowthoughts on a previous video on "Bridging the Gap: Younger Women Needing Sisterhood from Seasons Sisters" https://youtube.com/live/qjwzH5vU1PE

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Transcript

Speaker 2 (0s): Good morning bows and BOW ties. So I am going to apologize in advance because my sinuses are sinus, and you guys know I always have some sort of sinus situation, and the mornings are just horrific. Anyway, so I wasn't on TikTok last night or this morning actually, I just, I don't even think I opened the app. Did I open the app? I may have. I don't know. I've been dealing with some sort of cootie that my son gave me, and I've been exhausted, so I just really didn't care about anything.

So I don't even remember what I did last night. It's all a blur, but I don't think I got on. What I wanted to do was, I meant to have this conversation a couple of days ago, but like I said, I was dealing with some sort of coie, and I just did not have the energy. but I wanted to just say this. See, if I had the energy, I would've done this from home, and I could have probably done a better job. I'm just gonna speak off the cuff. I have seen this rise in women coming after married women, et cetera.

Actually, I feel like, Well, yeah, it's mostly single women coming after married women. I would say even well, to do single women coming after married women, and the the ones who have the loudest voice on these platforms like to really go in on what's going on with my situation. Hold on. Oh, hold, hold on. all right, there we go. Sorry. So I see this a lot happening, and it's so crunchy.

I find that not only the, well, okay, so this is what I'm seeing. Excuse me. I'm seeing women attacking relationships, and I feel like it's hard. So I don't wanna be the person who says you should be able to speak on something, right? but I feel like many of these women who are speaking on relationships have never been on the other side of being married or whatever.

That's number one. So they wanna give out advice on why you shouldn't be in relationships, why marriage is bad, why all these other things, And, they don't have, they don't have any living experience on it. And so I find it weird that you'll have a bunch of, of women who are listening to these women talk about marriage and relationships, and they're not going to people who are in, in them.

Number two, I see them talking to women who are in bad relationships. And so the source of their content is always women in bad relationships. Okay? So again, number one, they're talking about women in relationships in general. And, they have not been in, let me rephrase that. They're talking about people who are married, And. they have never been married. Number two, they hyperfocused on bad marriages.

Man, this is like shaking and, and messing up what is up? They're, they're focused on these bad marriages and bad relationships. And so depending on when you catch people, if you catch them in the valley, 'cause relationships are in peaks and valleys, you know, you'll see a different side. And so they talk about how, why they wouldn't do this. They wouldn't do that. I'm like, clearly, if you're by yourself now, I just wanna say, I'm not saying that your value is in, is in proximity of a man.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying that you should just be in any relationship. I'm not saying that, but it is easy to poke fun at something. See, see, see, look at that relationship. She's miserable. And I'm like, why are you so hell, Ben, on tearing down someone else's relationship. Number three, some of these women who are in these bad relationships, like the chaos, okay?

So I'm like, you know, you gotta let people be where they are. So you can't want more for someone than what they want for themselves. It just means you don't have to choose that for yourself. all right? Number four, there's a lot of, I can look, let me, I'm going by what I see in this fake world called the internet, the, in the fake world of the internet, a lot of the women you see, come on, they, they are going hard at some of our elder women.

They're blaming elder women for their issues, Right? They're blaming elder women for their issues. Now, where am I going? My mother used to always tell me, regardless of how you've been brought up, right? like, you can experience trauma and everything else. You are child When you are a minor, that is not your fault. You are not responsible for all the things you're going through.

But when you are older, you are responsible for you. You are responsible for getting the help that you need. You are responsible for healing yourself. You are responsible for putting tools in your toolbox. You didn't use that actual word, but she's basically saying you need to get what you need in order to have a healthy life. Like, right, like to take care of yourself. You are responsible for you.

I have family members who have dealt with craziness, and I don't wanna speak too much on it for fear of divulging too much information, but I, look at it like this. The older you are, you are responsible for you. So when I see these content creators get out here in these internet streets, And, they are bashing women who are in relationships. I'm like, wait a second, you're more focused on bashing the women in these relationships than you are on promoting healthy relationships.

Never do I see these women go out and source people who are in good relationships. Never do I see these women go out and source content from women who've been in peaks and valleys who've been through the ups and downs. Never have I seen any of these women say, Hey, the reason why we are struggling with relationships now, there's a variety of reasons why they may be struggling, right? But never do I see them say like, Hey, maybe I struggled with, you know, coming through something.

Now, I don't want to sit here and say that you should just be in a bad relationship. But part of creating good, strong relationships is how you build that foundation. Now, I'm going to say this. My husband and I, we have been through peaks and valleys, right? And part of the reason why you go through peaks and valleys is the fact that you are continuing to grow as a person. The things that you value change the things that you want, change the things that become important to you.

Maybe because you've had children or you've got ailing parents or whatever it is, those things change that your interest in terms of hobbies and that type of thing, change. For example, I remember when I used to play a lot of tennis, and I remember it got to the point where my husband was like, you are not gonna be able to continue to do that at the rate you're doing, because as our kids get older, he had quit planning, right? He was like, but they need you. And I was fighting it for a while, and I realized, you know what? He's right right now.

I just can't meet in two different places and, and, and pair my kids. Well squad. So at one point, I chose to make that sacrifice, which really wasn't a sacrifice for me. I was just like, let me be around my kids. I wanted to be around my kids as they got older, they were playing sports and, and these activities, and it was a joy for me to watch them as they grow and blossom right now, did I miss at the time playing? Yes. Do I miss it now? Not really, because I'm in the thick of where I am right now with my kids.

But the point I'm making was something so simple as my wants and desires had to evolve with my family situation, right? It didn't mean I couldn't ever play tennis. It just meant I had to put things on pause. It meant not right now. And then while I continue to go through this life of motherhood and white Floyd and sisterhood with other women, the desires change. And where I'm going with that is these women get out here on the internet, And, they bash women for being in these bad relationships.

They bash marriage, they bash relationships, they bash all these things. And I'm just kind of like, wait a second. You need to make sure that your content is balanced. And yes, let me be clear, I'm not here to cake for the men. There's a lot of silly dudes out there. They're full on Dinglings, okay? But my channel is the Black, Opinionated Woman. I give my opinions and I am going to be more focused on women.

Doesn't mean I won't talk about the other stuff, but I like to focus on women. I'm a woman. I happen to be black, and I have a lot of opinions, right? So that's just where I'm at with it. So when I'm coming at women, well, it's because I want to, and that's just where I'm at with it. I feel like we've got a bunch of women out here who are single. They could really, really serve the community. If they focus on things like, okay, you know what, how do we focus on having healthy relationships, female relationships?

I'm not talking about sexual relationships. For all of you whacked out weirdos out there and a whacked out weirdo. Could be a man or a woman. I'm talking about I. think women do try to do these things, but why don't they focus on the sisterhood, right? As you go through various stages of womanhood, the Sisterhood, the collection of shared experiences, right? Okay. There's the dating experience for those who are single. Most of you are going to be professionals, right? You have to take care of yourself.

Unless you're like some sort of socialite or your, your family is like wealthy, most of you're gonna have to take care of yourself. What they need to do is they need to talk about things like, okay, so this is, they need to talk about things like, okay, so how do we set ourselves up to have a successful retirement? What does financial health look like? What does our mental health look like, our physical health look like? What does it look like to have a sisterhood?

And, and, and then say, you know what? I would love to have a relationship with somebody, you know, and provided that maybe these are my boundaries. And then they need to talk about like, what do we need to compromise on, right? Like, I had to compromise on things. Now granted, for example, I did not work for three years while my children were growing up. I, I wanted to take a break, number one. Number two, I wanted to be more present with my kids. When they came home. My husband afforded me that opportunity, right?

He held it down for three years. Well, it's his job, right? Like, to provide the trade off was my career to a backseat. I did suffer. Okay? So one of those things was because I knew my career was gonna suffer for a period of time. Like, well, then there's certain things I need. But for these women to get out here, And, they are hyper-focused on these bad relationships and marriages. And most of the women who are in decent relationships, people I know, they do not get on the internet.

They don't care. They let people talk. They're like, what? What is this? They, half of 'em don't even know how to use the stuff. Like, they're just like living their lives. They're like, let me take little Johnny, little Bobby, little Amy over to do blah, blah, blah. They're just focused on living their lives. I remember when I first started YouTube and I just trying to get people to come on, they were just like, I'm not doing that. And I could totally respect it, because for a period of time, I wouldn't, I was like, I don't, I wouldn't even get on YouTube to look at videos.

At one point, I was like, I don't care. Where I'm going with that is these women ought to be ashamed of themselves. And, they talk about uplifting and empowering women. I don't see that. I see. It's, it's, it's, it's conditional. The only women that they're gonna uplift and empower are people who are in their situation. That's what it is.

They will make fun and, and, and talk about women who are the other side of the coin. Now, there is a reality that there are women who are in relationships, And. they are living as if they're single, right? Because it's a bad relationship. But instead of tearing them down, why don't they try to like offer support and love and sisterhood, I think the women who are in these good relationships need to promote that content more.

We need to balance the content. Because if you, if it's not balanced, then people are gonna think everything that's out there is true. Because many people don't think if all they see is negative image, or if all they see are negative images, negative stories, bad relationships, that's all they're gonna see. Think about, for example, what is considered beautiful. Right now, there's a reason why you got so many women with the long bust down wig.

Everybody's got the same wig, the same whacked out weirdo edges. I don't even understand that ugly edges trend. It is so ugly. You've got the really weird eyebrows, like the, the, everybody's got the same makeup, the over contour nose. I'm like, I have regular features. It is what it is. I'm not contouring anything. I'm not, I don't want to. It is what it's, so that's not to say if I were going to get dolled up, I don't even know how to contour. I'd have to get my niece or one of my sisters to come do it.

Because all of my sisters are good at makeup, and my niece is good at makeup. They're gonna have to teach my daughter how to wear makeup. 'cause my makeup is always so plain and simple. And virtually they'll even wear it because my makeup game is not on 10. I can do some stuff, but okay, I'm, I'm, I'm just hammering. The point I'm making is the images that they're putting out there, the narrative, the stories, everything. You put out the same thing over and over. People are gonna think everything that's out there is a hundred percent true. So at the end of the day, you get a bunch of women getting out here on, whether it's TikTok or on YouTube, and they're going off on women And.

they, they're going off on relationships, but primarily married one. And then they go off on these dudes, and I'm like, wait a second. Why are you so hyper-focused on these men? Now, when I, I go back to when I was single, the benefit of what I was coming through was, obviously I wasn't on social media as much. Well, I wasn't at all. I, I I wasn't on it. I didn't care. The thing was I had to be out and about to meet people.

Yeah. And so most of the people I met was because I was out. I was doing things. You may, part of the reason why, for example, you may know somebody at work, And. they say, Hey, I'm gonna have a happy hour, a get together or whatever. And then you meet up with people and you guys mingle. You have a good time. And it doesn't mean that you're trying to talk to that guy. You guys are just like getting along, but they might be some other single people out and about show up to this event or whatever. And you're hanging out.

You get to know people. So I had to go out, I had to talk to people. I couldn't just hold up in my home and, and try to establish internet relationships. No, I had to do things like when I was young. I owned my own home when I was young. I was in my twenties, and I had no choice but to go to Home Depot or Lowe's. but I used to like painting. I would jack up my house all the time.

It'd be like Orange. I was like, I'm just gonna try some new stuff. But I was, I was single. I could do that. I could paint my walls orange and people would be like, okay, I didn't know what I was doing. I was, then I would change degree. I was do But anyway. If there's something that needed to be done, Well, I would just pay for it. If I thought it was too difficult or I had neighbors without big neighbors, but like, I had to go out and do things. I had to go get gas. I had to go to Home Depot or Lowe's.

I had to go grocery shopping so I could eat. I experimented with cooking things, even though I wasn't good at first, right? I had to do those things. I did. but I also, when I was younger, I would get out the neighborhood I lived in when I bought my home, had like this I, think it was like a two mile loop. I would run around a neighborhood. I would do a two mile run. That's not a lot. but I would do a two mile run. I would go date because I would meet people. I had to get out of the house, and then if I knew some girlfriends, we would say, Hey, we're gonna go catch this show.

Yeah. So we would go catch a concert. We would, we would go out, we'd go out to eat. We'd go out to a concert. We would, we were clowning back then. We were doing our thing Back then. We would hit happy hours, legit happy hours. And because we were also bougie, we were rarely caught out after 10 o'clock at night. What? That's for the riff. So we would do all of our laughing and joking and happy hour before then.

Occasionally we would go out and go to clubs, but we were more along the lines of meeting other like people, professional people. People will leave after work. You would exchange information if you wanted to sync up, you know, like, and, and maybe create like a real date. The point I'm getting at is you got a lot of these women out here on the internet creating all these internet like relationships in my opinion, or like personas on what dating is like, what relationships are like.

I'm like, they sound ridiculous to me. Absolutely ridiculous. Now, there is a space for much of what they're talking about, because I will say some of the things that they're hitting on, I do believe are true. Like people being in bad relationships, but I feel like the content is, is skewed. I feel like these women need to stop focusing on, they just need to stop.

They just need to stop. They're doing way too much, focusing too much on, they're just focusing too much on how to, I feel like they wanna deter women from just dating. Why don't you just give people information on how to date smartly? I don't know. Anyway, I'm just sick of women sitting there with this, this narrative. I really feel like there is no Sisterhood, there's no sisterhood.

They are coming after married women and people who are in decent relationships are just kinda like, they don't even pay attention to the internet. They don't. You're like, whatever. all right. By the time you guys see this video, I will already be at work. I meant to live stream this, but instead I recorded this. And so now I'm gonna have to end this video and send it to stream.

but let me know what you got. Guys. Think about this I. think these whacked out weirdo. Women need to go talk about something else. Stop coming so hard for married women. I feel like the more you're coming from married women let's me know you want to be married, you want to be in a relationship, you want to be married.

Speaker 1 (22m 26s): Be

Speaker 2 (22m 27s): Because you're way too hyperfocused on it. all right? Go ahead and subscribe. You should. You should subscribe because look, I'm practically perfect in every way. I could do it all wrong. But seriously, let me know your thoughts though. I'm curious to see what people think. We just gotta get these women to stop with these ridiculous s. They sound ridiculous. They sound angry. And people have the right to be angry.

And I know that word is triggering, okay, but it is what it is. Some of you sound so angry and so silly. I was like, oh my gosh. Like I wonder if they could just step out of their bodies for a moment. And one last thing, I know, I need to just let it go. I should just end this. But it goes back to that Simone Biles interview. Yes, her husband dangling, but I also recognize like this is the one thing to point out certain things, but I also recognize they are so young.

Instead of telling her to run, he don't love you. Look at all the people that he dated, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, but he married her. And if you say that, they'd be like, oh, you're a pick me. And I'm like, wait a second. Why don't you try to, for those, first of all, people need to just stay out of her marriage. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't dingling at how he handled that interview. Her husband, Jonathan Owens at first, I didn't even know his name. His name is Jonathan Owens. But this is the way I look at it. They're young. Put your arms around them.

Lift that relationship up, help them grow. They're young. Look, he made a big mistake on how he interviewed. They're gonna be mad. They're gonna say, I don't see anything wrong with it. They're silly too. But instead what you do is you support her. Lift her up. Help both of them. Help them with you. Say, okay guys, maybe you guys don't wanna have these kinds of discussions online. That's your private business. This is how you cover her in public.

Anyway, that's all I got.

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