S4E30 Tradwives, life skills, and my BOWTHOUGHTS

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, good morning bows and bow ties. Hopefully I don't have any sound issues and video issues. There are certain parts when I'm recording. It is just so shady. Anyway, so welcome to the channel on the Black Opinionated. Woman, also known Isabel, for those of you who are new to my channel. And what I wanna do is just talk about a couple things and no, this is not well thought out, not well planned, but you'll get the gist.

So this morning I got up preparing, you know, for work. And I, I see videos like this often where you have, you, you see women talk about being a trad wife, and then you have women who talk about how it's just like big news. So this is what I will say. This one particular person, well, let me rephrase that. There were several people who were commenting on this. One woman who does not look like me, she happens to be a white woman.

And she was talking about how she had the life, you know, I guess when she was younger, prettier, and everything like that. And, you know, she abandoned all her roles and dreams, And, they were just for her husband. She never had her own account. She would help him do all this stuff with marketing and all this, like all this other stuff. At the end of the day, she ends up divorce, no money. He doesn't hardly pay any alimony, no child support. Like, well, lemme rephrase that. I can't remember if she said that he doesn't pay child support, but nevertheless, she was just like crying because she was like, you know, here I am now I.

think she said she was 44. She's still not a bad looking woman, but she was like, there was a point where I was, you know, traveling around the world and spending all this money and all this other stuff. And now she's like, I can barely afford to feed my children. And she said, I would caution people against like this lifestyle when I don't have like, my education. And you know, I didn't keep up with skills for myself and all kinds of stuff.

I didn't manage any money and or whatever. It was like, she's like, no one told me to put money off to the side of another account for myself. Like, and I'm sitting here thinking like, on the one hand, you know, I had compassion for this woman. She's 44 Think. so she's basically my age, right? I'm 47. But in the same token, I'm like, it never occurred to you to put money away. And I guess I was always, you know, let me just say this. When I was growing up, do you guys remember that song by Anita Baker fairytales?

I can remember stories, those things my mother said, she told me fairytales before I went to bed. Oh, excuse me. Look, I had a Rihanna moment with my boys. She's welcome, happy and things and tuck me in real time right now when you listen to that song, it starts off like, wonderful. But then she's like, you know, no one could ever tell me no, what's the words she basically starts talking about.

No one told me that we would curse, cry and scream and lie. She never said that. Maybe someday he'd say goodbye. And then she goes, my story and story, oh, excuse the voice But. anyway, it's early. It's early. So the point I'm making is she's getting into this song and she's like, you know, she's painting one side, but then she's like, no one told me about this side. No one told me about this side. So this isn't to bash men, because I don't think all these traditional men are these evil people.

What I'm saying is there's human nature. And so listen to this whole tribe life thing. And it just made me think about like basic life skills. Basic life skills, basic life skills. I, I, I, I harp on that because, oh gosh, like look, my children just returned from outdoor school this past week, right? So they go away for a week. This, this sponsored through school.

I mean the, the county and stuff like that, right? So all the schools, they have a certain number of weeks that they send their kids through outdoor school, And. they, and, and what happens is not only do they learn about some outdoor stuff, but they're getting life skills, basic life skills. Now, for the parents who raise their children a certain way, well, they're not learning like a whole bunch of new life skills, some learning more about themselves. They're gonna learn still some things. And then there's some kids who their parents do everything for them.

They, their parents make their bed for them. Their parents do. They, they do everything for them. My kids, well, no, I mean, do I help them with some things? Yes. But my kids know how to make their, well, I don't know my son, the, the twin, you know, I wonder about him because he's always struggling with this bed situation, but he still has a requirement to make his own bed. He still knows that he has to do his own laundry and fold it and put it away. Now, one of the things I don't do is I don't micromanage the folding of their clothing, right?

I'm like, Hey, do you like it? I love it Kat. Like, you know, you can show people things, but at the end of the day, there's a, there's a, this is a process. So when they are washing, like for example, when they start complaining, like, I don't, I don't have any clothes. I'm like, well, what do you want me to do? There's a whole washer and dryer down there. All the stuff you need to wash your clothing and dry it and dry it. Make sure that they, they, they have softer and everything. Everything you need is there. You have been shown multiple times. I don't know what you want from me.

I don't know what you want from me. I have these conversations all the time, especially with that twin. I love that guy. But in my house, I kid you not, you guys are going to think that I am making this up. My Alexa is like, do do so and so, which will be like on Monday time to put your clothes in the laundry hour and a half later. So and so your clothes should be in the dryer. Now granted, they should know this, right? But my kids are still, you know, on a struggle bus getting this done timely.

And I say this because if you leave your your clothing in the washer, what happens? We all know it'll smell, it'll be like moldy. So I tell them, my husband too, your clothing should not remain in the washer. It should be in the dryer. We, we, so the point I'm getting at is life skills. I'm gonna circle back to trap wives in a minute. You gotta learn, you gotta teach the kids life skills, basic life skills. And it, this should be age appropriate, right?

Like for example, at a younger age, you teach the value of of saving, right? We teach the value of saving. So maybe we're not talking about complex investing, but we're like, you save your money, you can spend a teeny bit, maybe, maybe, maybe. But save your money. We teach that concept of saving so that maybe one day if you wanna buy something special or every once in a while if they mess up something up theirs that they didn't take care of, right? I'm like, no, you can use your money for that, right?

And, they don't like having to use their money. And, they realize the value of money. The kids that went to outdoor school, some of them were fine. For example, my daughter was telling me, she's like, mom, I don't even understand how some of these kids, like they brought a white watch cloth that you, because you know, my kids bring wash cloths. Okay, my kids have towels and washcloths and if you know, you know where I'm going with this. But she's like, they, this one kid brought a watch cloth and just left it on the floor.

And so by the end of this so and so of the week, it was like brown. It was so nasty. And you know, mine was not, 'cause you know, I can't have a dirty one myself. Now my daughter's a little bit of poop daughter, but the point I'm making is she understood, right? And we take this for granted, but she's like, not my stuff. I don't know how the twin the boy did. you know, I gotta circle back to him, see how he did. But what, where I was going with this was, you know, where we live, these kids are having to get life skills, get up at a certain time, make sure the cabin is clean, your beds will be made.

You're gonna eat on a certain amount of time. No, you will not take a a million hour long shower. They have time showers because other people have to get in and the hot water will run out. Let me tell you something. My daughter knew how to negotiate. She's like, oh, if I do this particular job, I get extra time, right? I get extra time to go shower and I can be one of the first showers with the hot water. You see what I'm saying? You start to learn, you start to negotiate things and figure things out.

Now moving forward, I, think about how when I was coming up through school, we had to do certain things. We had to learn how to build things and make things, whether it's in home economics, whether it was in wood shop or shop or whatever it was, we had to learn how to use our hands. We had to still think and still do the academics, do a lot more physical fitness stuff. We did all that stuff. And I feel like right now a lot of these kids are not getting enough life skills.

They're not getting enough financial literacy. I know they started doing stuff like that where we are teaching financial literacy. Circling back to the Tradwives. As I was listening to these women talk, like, I didn't know, like I I, I money like didn didn't know how to manage our money. I didn't have to do this, I didn't do that. And I'm like, age appropriate life skills. You should know how to manage a bank account and all these other things. So when I was thinking about how as like so many people were reacting or commenting on this young lady who had this symposium glamorous trend like lifestyle.

And now she's fallen on hard times. I, the more and more I listen to people react and stuff like that, I was just like, oh my goodness. Like how unfortunate, you know, because you should have certain skills at your disposal that if your husband is no longer responsible for the caring and feeding of your lifestyle, you should be able to manage. It doesn't mean that you're living a lack of luxury, but you should be able to manage. And yes, it's okay to be scared, but to listen to these women, I I just felt so much compassion and sorrow at the same time because I'm like, that's a way of being trapped.

You know, the interesting thing is, let me just say this. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a traditional wife. I really don't. Like, there's nothing wrong with being a track wife. There's so what's wrong is when you don't have agency in yourself, that's the part what's wrong is when you have no viable skill or access to income, any of those things. But the, the concept of being a traditional wife itself, I, I don't think there's anything wrong with it if there really isn't.

It's just that what they're painting online, it's not realistic. It's not realistic. I, you guys have heard me say maybe it was like two years ago, maybe a year ago, I cannot remember when I was playing tennis. I knew people who were housewives, Tradwives, whatever they call it. One woman had a very high earning husband.

And then when he was done with her, she was, I guess in her late forties, early fifties, whatever it was, and he was done with her. And now that he's used up all her youth and beauty or whatever it is, he didn't wanna be in it anymore. And he was some sort of financial dude. And so he knew how to hide money and used money or whatever it was. So now she had to go find like a for run take account. I I never knew what happened In the end of all that, all I knew was for a period of time her job was to walk dogs for income.

Now I kind of applaud the fact that she's like, I gotta start somewhere. I gotta get some money, I gotta, I gotta do stuff. I mean, she's eventually settled down I think she may have even found another person or like that, but he siphoned up all their money, took it from out their son's, like college education account, like all kinds of stuff. Like, and I don't know all the details. So everything's just gonna be alleged, I guess alleged. But where I'm going with it is I see and hear about so many women who get into these situations, And, they live in these beautiful communities and homes and then their husband is, is tired of them.

And now they're like, well what do I do? And? they And they don't get the alimony. They think that they're entitled to, right? And they are. And it'll be even in the judgment, but it doesn't mean they're gonna get it. It is. Or like the husbands will wait until the kids are just old enough so that they can't get child support, right? And then they leave them And. they no alimony, nothing. I, I mean to witness that I was like, it won't be me. It'll not be me. No.

I was like, oh my goodness. So when I circled back and I look at all of these women trying to paint this, this lifestyle, like I'm gonna be honest, I don't watch a lot of the tribe live videos because I don't think I have the attention span. I usually like give it like I don't, maybe maybe to my, I even if I give it two minutes because it's just not really something that's that interesting to me.

So I don't wanna knock the lifestyle, but from what I've seen over the time, it's just so unrealistic because I don't know anyone who just spends copious amounts of time baking bread. Like I really don't know anyone. I'm not saying that they've never baked bread. I've known housewives who make bread, but they don't spend all this time beautifying their kitchen and making bread. you know what, when they do that, it might be something that they're interested in doing, but they do other things like, and let me tell you something.

Many of the people that I know who are housewives, they're tired because they work really hard for the family in the home. Okay? Now I think I've seen some other shenanigans of other housewives, but that's not here nor there. But the point I'm making is generally speaking, these women that I know, they're not just sitting home putting on makeup and doing their hair.

Like they're not doing that. They're running around. They gotta run their kiss to this, run their kiss to that fix ass house for this, make dinner for this, do this, do that. Take all of the deliveries, get this like, they're not just sitting around scratching their butt. Some of them are, some of them pay everyone to do everything. Hey, to each his own. That's more of the trap life that I think. People think it, it exists.

But that's, that's not realistic. It's not. Anyway, I just say this, for a lot of these women out there who think that's what they want, and I don't have much time, so I'm gonna try to wrap this up in the next, let me see where I am on this road. I probably have a couple minutes, no more than five, let me just say this, but I stayed at home for the years I did. Now this is just me, me, me, me, my opinions, my Botox, okay?

When I stayed at home, it was the best and worst time of my life because I did not enjoy being a stay at home mom. I did not enjoy just doing all this stuff for kids and fixing up the house. And I didn't do it all that great. I did not enjoy that part. Like I did. I did it. But what I'm saying was I hated how I felt.

I hated how when we were out and about, people referred to me as my husband's wife instead of by my name. I hated how there were, people would make comments. They thought that I was just as roofie at the time back in my fit or finer younger days. And I'm sitting here thinking like, holy cow, these people think I'm a dumb dumb. And what I have found in the past was when like I wanted to be seen.

And then I found that as I started to get older, I was like, okay, I don't need to be seen. I'm like, I know who I am. It it, it was a process. It was a process. but I do see that in many other housewives. I've started seeing that where many of them wanna be seen because they're not seen and they're not heard. I remember when I was home, I did not like how people only talked to me when it was in reference to something like domestic or like, I remember people were like thoroughly shocked that I had a mind of my own.

That I was a highly intelligent person. And, they were shocked that I even had a degree in engineering. Actually I have two degrees. But it was so funny because their, their concept. I mean, I remember one person thought, what did they think? I was I think they thought I was like some, like a secretary or I don't even remember what it was they thought, like before I met my husband, one person, there was a woman actually I was Surpris. You thought that my husband rescued me. And I was literally looking at her. I was like, no, honey.

When I was dating my husband, I wasn't a housewife then. Sorry, I'm mixing up the wrong person. Scratch that. That's a whole other conversation that we're gonna have another day. We're gonna talk about that one. But the point was, I remember somebody that thought I was assistant a secretary or something. They were like, oh, what do you do And? they were so surprised. So surprised. Anyway, when I was a stay at home mom, I felt like I had lower self-esteem. I really did. I, I didn't like the way I felt. I didn't like the way people talk to me.

Looked at me and, and like, look, I always claim it when they say, ah, lower self-esteem. I'm like, yeah, I did. I did. I didn't like how I felt. I didn't like having to check in. And my husband was like, well if you need something just take it. but I also felt guilty because I was so independent for so long. And then when I finally ran through all of my savings, 'cause I wasn't working, he was like looking at me. I'll never forget that one day I came home, no, he came home and he was like, what is wrong with you?

And I didn't wanna talk. And he was like, you just don't, you don't look good. You look bad. And I was just like, he was like, maybe you should go get your hair done or something. And I'm looking at him like, I don't have any money. And he was like, you money I was like me, like me family, but I never, never like just even depending on somebody, I didn't like how it felt. And he's looking at me like, I need you to go take some money out and go get yourself together. Go get your hair done or whatever.

It's that you need to do, but you need to go do something because this isn't working. And I just didn't like how I felt. But I think the saving grace was that I had skills. He met me as a skilled person, you know? And I knew that one I was gonna return to work, not because I wanted to work, but I needed my own independence. I liked talking about other things other than kids and the best sale for meat or milk or whatever.

And I also knew that I could also contribute to our family in terms of helping to further along some generational wealth things, because that's important to us. That's the one thing that we have been very, very focused on. I really hate this. People wanna cut over behind you knowing that you have to get over. They know that they shouldn't be doing that. This is how they cause accidents. I, anyway, so I just, I just knew that I was like, I, I'm gonna have to go back to work.

And my husband knew too. I mean he wasn't forcing me back, but I knew that for the goals that we had for our kids and for ourselves and how we wanted to retire, it would be great. But let me tell you, for me, I'm not speaking for anyone else. For me it was the best thing I could do. And it's nothing. I love working. I wanna make this clear. 'cause you know, now I'm thinking I wanna put again. Yeah, no, no, seriously. I do think I wanna put again, I just felt like that was the best thing for my kids.

Yeah, But. anyway, that's pretty much it. I just wanted to say that this whole Chad wife thing, a lot of these women need to go get some more basic skills. And when I see what they're like promoting I was like, these women need life skills. Especially the ones who marry young. This woman I think was a young Mormon. So she met her husband young, they got married, had like 5 million kids or whatever it was. I don't know. but I just feel like at that point, you know, she doesn't really have any adult life skills.

She, she relied on her husband. She was just like, oh my gosh. And so my heart was breaking for her 'cause she was crying because she felt like crap. Like, she was just like, how did I get here? And I felt bad for that young lady. But then again, I kind of felt like, why are we promoting hurry up and get married? I believe in marriage. I don't believe in hurry up and get married so you can have these kids.

I know that, I see what's going on in legislation and I'm like, these dudes don't care about these women out here. And I'm like, now I think with legislation. They're basically like, I'm like, well look, if, if your baby is a person, a conception and stuff like that, these men need to be paying child support. That's where I'm at with it. Yeah. all right, So, let me get off because I need to go ahead. I'm, I'm going to be arriving shortly.

So you guys go ahead, give me that thumbs up and let me know your BOWTHOUGHTS.

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