S4E44 Raising children in relation to the 4B movement

🎀Show your support by subscribing to the channel 👉https://www.youtube.com/@iamabowalways?sub_confirmation=1

Regular episodes drops every Tuesday and when the spirit hits.

tiktok: @iamabowalways

iMOM Podcast
If you need a mom friend right now, you’ve come to the right place. On iMOM.com we...

Listen on: Apple Podcasts   Spotify

Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): All right, bows and bow ties. So yeah, I have to have my car light on because there's not enough outside light yet, so you're gonna have to excuse me, because it has me looking kind of orange. So I am getting ready to go over some, some situations over here and there, there's fog, and it looks like if you could see what I can see in front of me, you'd be like, what is happening But?

anyway, so look, it's about 6 29 and, and I'm gonna do the best I can to get myself together and have this short little video. I'm gonna hopefully be able to sip on my coffee while I do it since I'm getting a one hour later start time. So over the last day or so, I've made videos on the Divestment Decentering and four B movement, and there have been some questions.

I actually put it out on TikTok as well, and I saw the comment yesterday on my YouTube channel regarding if I have a daughter and what I'm teaching my kids. I didn't get a chance to respond to one of them I, think I just had to run out and do some things. but I believe that was the comments or something along those lines. And let me just say this, and, and this is where people look, you can kind of like take what you need from out of my response.

Am I'm teaching my kids about the four B movement, the centering men movement or whatever, if you're talking about the movement or whatever itself, absolutely not. I have one in college and I have three more at home. I have one daughter and three boys. For those of you who are wondering, that's not what I'm doing at all. What I am doing is raising my kids to hopefully be a good character and to understand their value, both men and women.

I'm trying to build them up and hopefully they can walk and be a good representation of who Jesus is. Now with that being said, I also instill in my daughter self-worth. I instill in her you can achieve anything. She also has to look at how her mom and dad are living, right?

So she can have a living representation of love. What does it look like when you serve each other? And what does that mean? Because there are times when my husband is catering to me. There are times when I cater to him, you know, I don't know if you know this, but I can be spoiled at times, but I also try to spoil him. Meaning we just try to be good to each other. Do we have the perfect relationship? Of course not.

There's always something that can be improved, right? You're always moving towards, you know, being in sync and being in union with each other. Well, we're in union with each other, but you understand what I mean? Is it perfect? No, but he is my best friend trying to decide which route I'm gonna take to park today. And I won't know until I get up close to this light if I'm gonna hop on the highway or take the back road. I think I'm gonna hop on the highway today.

So with that being said, I, I'm not interested in teaching my kids to follow a bunch of dysfunctional people on the internet. I am not interested in teaching them to engage in agenda war. For what? Do we have problems between the genders? Yes. Well, why would I wanna teach my kids about that?

but I wanna teach my kids our Look, I, I had a conversation with my daughter last night about she has an 84 in one of her classes, and I'm like, do you think that's good? That was her best. That's one thing, but it's not her best. And we were talking about putting forth our best effort. you know, what do you want for yourself? How do you want to show up in this world? What do you want for yourself? Are you satisfied with that? If that was your best effort, then I'm okay with it, but it wasn't.

So with that being said that, that's where I'm going with it. Now, let's talk about the four B and the Decentering men divestment. And for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, the divestment, there was the, the divestment movement where now I'm speaking in relation to black women. They were saying, you should divest away from black men, don't date black men. And in the past, I would say I believe in some form of divestment, but I'm actually trying to reach shape.

What I'm saying, I believe you should date whoever you want. If you wanna date a white guy, if you wanna date a, an Asian guy, a black guy, whatever, do what you want. I say, you go into these relationships with your eyes wide open. That's what you do, okay? Understanding that, you know, everybody has biases and, and everybody needs to understand each other's cultures and, and things that you may have to deal with, but I feel like you should be able to date other people.

If somebody rocks with you, rocks for you is there for you, uplifts you, makes you feel wanted and, and, and desired and valued and all these things, then you go where you're wanted, right? It doesn't necessarily mean separate from black men altogether and I think that's where I need to make a clarification, because there were women who were like, just divest from black men. Black men are like these horrible people. I don't necessarily believe that I think you have a lot of ding-dongs that are black men.

I do believe that. but I don't believe in divesting in terms of just don't deal with them, period. Because they're just a group of people who are, are, are just these, these horrible people, right? Because you're gonna find that in other races too. Trust. I'll leave it there. So no, I don't support divestment in the way that it is being used or pull, right? I do believe in expanding your horizons.

You should be able to deal with whoever you want. When it comes to decentering, I wanna say this again. If you're saying you want to decenter men, meaning you wanna focus on yourself, you want to focus on your, your, your health, your, your financial wealth, your education, your spiritual grounding, all those things that makes sense.

What I am seeing, I wanna make it clear or what it sounds like to me, that's why I, this is the Black Opinionated Woman channel, else known Isabel, I want you to listen to me. What the decentering men movement sounds like to me, which is what I'm not preaching to my daughter or my son, is I don't wanna deal with men. I am going to separate dealing with men, because do you understand what I mean?

It's always about what they don't want in a man versus what they want in themselves. Also, what you'll hear is them saying like, ever since I decented men, I have more money and, and I've done all these activities. I'm like, okay, so when you say these things, and there's nothing wrong with that, but from the way it's coming out to me is it's not very inclusive. Inclusive. It's actually very exclusive, right? Because there are a lot of women who, who are supposedly decentering men who don't have high incomes.

What if you're, you're someone who's gotten divorced or whatever, and you're in a situation where money is really tight the way they are equating decentering men. And I know a lot of women are gonna say, that's not true. That's not true. I'm like, it is true. Go out there and listen to what they're putting out there. They're talking about because of decent men, I'm doing these things because of decent men. I have more money. Get your money up. And what I am saying is, it's not that you shouldn't be doing those things, but it sounds like because I did these things, I am capable of traveling the world and blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, well, decentering men, from what I understand, it should be about more what are you doing for your, like you, how are you drowning yourself? How are you having real happiness that is not predicated on your relationship in proximity to a man or a guest, maybe woman, I don't know, whatever, whatever calls you both. What is it that's making you happy? What is it that's making you smile? How do you feel mentally healthy?

Oh, I, think I have enough light now. Okay, you have enough lights, I can cut that light off so that with decentering men, in my opinion, it that's I. think that's what it was meant to be about. Making sure you focus on the needs of yourself right now with that, there's, there's a caveat too, because you do wanna take care of yourself, but it also sounds like there's no other person in this world.

And it doesn't even have to be a romantic relationship. It's just me, me, me. Now I'm gonna move on to the four B movement. The four B movement, which started in 2019 in South Korea, was basically a pushback against the state And. they were saying like, you were sick and tired of your patriarchal ways. A lot of things are built in misogyny, I think they were like, get I. think they had to like get rid of the corset movement, whatever like that. You can go on Google and do it for a simple search. And what that four B movement is, do not have sexual relations with men.

Do not marry men, do not produce children for men. Do not date men. That is not a movement that I wanna preach to my children. Why would I wanna preach that to my children? Why would I wanna preach like no singleness? Now, when I say I don't wanna preach singleness, it's not because singleness is bad, singleness isn't bad, but I'm not gonna go preach against what our nature is.

Men and women mate together, just like the animals and the animal kingdom. Men and women do want each other. There's a reason why you got a whole bunch of women out here, like I am not dealing with men. You want to deal with men. It is normal. If they said, look, I'm open to relationships, but I think right now I'm just gonna focus on me getting myself together. 'cause let me just say something. As much as many of these women are talking about the men, I wanna make myself clear, because I think many of these men are certifiable dingdong, they're whack of dos, they're whacked out weirdos.

I want you to listen to what I'm saying. It can't be that, that men are a hundred percent wrong and the women are 100% wronged like victims. I would just challenge you to be introspective and say, what is it that you're doing in this relationship? Meaning are how are you sourcing your, your, your mates, Right? And what are you doing? I'm not saying you are at fault for how somebody is behaving, but what I will say is you can be a contributor to a failed relationship.

We all have, we all have blind spots. It's always somebody else's fault, right? I would not preach the four B movement to my sons or my daughter, absolutely not. Then it's like a, a ridiculous thing to tell my daughter. I want you to participate in a movement where we are reducing the population worldwide to the point that we are saying what, what the four B movement does is what they're saying is, it's not that they wanna focus on themselves.

What they're saying is, we want separation from men, period. In every way. We, they're like, we don't need you. We don't want you, we don't want a relationship with you. And, and that's in any form, no relationships, no copulation or sexual relations, nothing. We don't want any progeny from you, you know? So with that being said, I think that as well within their right, but why would I wanna preach it as a movement? What you wanna preach as a movement is how everybody can be better, be better, but to be nothing in relationship to somebody.

I'm not preaching that we were meant to multiply, we were meant to be in relationship with each other. So singleness is not bad, but I'm not gonna preach against relationships. I would say you wanna, you be better, everyone be better Select mates based off of whatever criteria, but to preach against men, like literally that four B movement is these women want nothing to do with men.

And that movement is, is is starting to bark in the ears of some people, right? So one of the comments I made I think it was on TikTok, I don't remember. I said, you know, the passport grows. At least they weren't not trying to deal with women. They were just saying, we just wanna go overseas and not be better humans and take advantage of women who aren't living in these Austria conditions. And because they need someone, right?

And, they don't have to be better humans, And, they, they don't have to be better men. They can just take their RIF overseas. But the women overseas are getting hit to a lot of the games too. What we don't want is to further fan a gender war. It's psycho. This is outta control. And don't get me wrong, I wanna be clear. Many things that women are talking about, it's not just single women, but many things that women are talking about.

Well, there's something to be said about it, right? But what I'm not saying is I just want to live in a world full of women where, so I don't wanna, I don't wanna meet with men. I don't wanna date men. I don't wanna have children with men. I, I don't wanna, I don't, I don't, I I don't wanna have any sort of sexual relationships with men or anything like that. I just wanna focus on myself and be an in commune with women. I, I, I don't want that.

And I like my relationships with women. We have our bootleg book clubs and coffee get togethers and everything else. I love my relationship with women. I don't wanna be in a be in a, an environment with all women all the time. Absolutely not. It has nothing to do with like the, like sexual stuff.

Speaker 3 (17m 5s): Let's take a quick break. The heart behind the I'm on podcast is storytelling because every mom has a story to tell. I know that when I talk to my friends who are parenting and we share stories, we all end up feeling less alone and more capable of loving our kids. Well, you can find information everywhere on the internet. Some is bad parenting advice and some is pretty wise. We like to think there's a lot of wisdom on im mom.com. And when you combine that signature wisdom with a great story, it brings parenting to life. We want a mom who's listening to see her herself and her kids in these stories and rest in the confidence that she's the perfect mom for her kids.

Check out the, I'm on podcast with new episodes every Monday.

Speaker 1 (17m 52s): I am like, this is psycho. So, no, the question, the the the answer to the question, am I teaching my children about these movements? No, I am not. I want, I wanna teach my children to be great humans. That's what I wanna teach. Now, do I wanna teach to look out for some of the pitfalls? Yes, but my kids are still young. Like, why am I I I'm not interested in teaching my children certain things they don't need to know about.

Like, like they just need to be worried about getting their schoolwork done and living life and being of a good character and, and that I'm an amazing mom. That's what they need to know, and that they have an amazing dad. I'm not interested in teaching my kids about decentering men. This is the thing with my daughter. You just do it. You just live it. You don't have to preach again against it, but you do is you say, you know what, Hey, do you worry about the things that you're interested in doing?

And eventually, well, she's not even in going down that road right now. She's still young. But my thing is, you can show someone better than you can tell them. You engage in the activities you like, you show that you take time for yourself. You do that, you show that you educate yourself. You engage in hobbies, you take care of yourself, and you show how you can interact with other people in a healthy way.

What you don't do is preach to, I'm gonna be, it's like the most ridiculous thing. Everybody's getting out there, like the town crier, like I said, and they're like, everyone listen to me. I'm centering for men. I would say, if you're going to deens for men, if you're gonna talk about what that is, like I said before, you should be talking about like, things like, okay, you know, one of the things I decided to do when I wanted to make sure that I was healthy or whatever.

I mean, I'm not into yoga. Whatever. I, I don't know, it feels a little demonic to me. But like, I, I, I engaged in yoga every day and what it allowed for me to do was to ground myself and my thoughts. I felt more relaxed. I felt my stress. I mean, do you understand what I'm saying? These were things that I did to decenter men. You should be able to talk and be affirmative about what you want versus in the negative about what you don't want and what you don't like. The women who are getting out here on these platforms are running down all the things they don't like about men.

Married women are catching strains. Like, all right, I'm just kind of like, good lord. They should be talking about like, yo, why is there so much fog out here? Like, seriously, I'm telling you, this looks like some sort of novel or some sort of dystopian thing. Like crazy women should not be sitting there hyper-focused on men. I've never seen so many people get out here on these apps talking about how they're divesting and decentering and the Florida B movement all from men.

And all they do is talk about men, men, men. That's all their content is. They are hyper-focused and obsessed. I'm like, you want a man because they, you can't keep 'em out of your mouth. You can't, you cannot keep them out of your mouth. We know that we got a lot of cycles out there. They are so dysfunctional and they're giving a whole lot of secondhand embarrassment opportunities for us to witness. Okay? It's, it's just sad. It's sad, but you are also getting on that train. It's giving secondhand, you know, embarrassment.

If you're gonna de center men, tell me the things that you're gonna do that does not involve bringing down men. And tell me what you don't like about men. Tell me what you like about yourself. Tell me what you want for yourself. Tell me how you wanna be healthy. And if you guys think I'm making it up, all you gonna do is go do a simple search. I actually did one that started popping up in my feed. Remember I told you somebody is following this kind of stuff. So now that means it pops up in my feed. So I actually clicked on some of this stuff, and it's a bunch of women like, and let me tell you, I don't need to deal with these men.

Ever since I left these men, it sounds like you're unhappy. I'm like, are you happy? Because like you decentering men, you're like, I'm the happiest I've been in my life. I'm like, oh my gosh, is that happy? What is happiness? You tell me, where does it come from? Because it shouldn't be coming from a person. I should have downloaded that clip because it's so funny. I was talking to somebody about happiness and then like a couple days later, that clip came out from Will Smith and he was talking about happiness is in here.

That's the biggest gag. So anyway, for all of you unhappy women who claim to be happy because you decent men and now the four B movement and the divestment and all this other stuff like that, I don't see the happiness. I don't, I see you still hyper focusing on men and how you've been, you're not focusing on men anymore, but men, men, men and more men, stop talking about 'em. Talk about something else. You're happy, right? Be happy because lemme tell you something, if you're doing something great, I don't care if you're married or single, everybody wants to know.

I do. I mean, there's always things I can prove. Tell me about it. I know, I genuinely want to know, because sometimes I get out here on this app and I just sit there and watch people make crafts out of like a, a a leftover water bottle and, and a candle or, or tin can or whatever. And I'm like fascinated, like I, like, I dunno. I love the creativity of it. I love how people create like coloring books.

I created coloring books, by the way. I need to like remove those. I love like all that stuff. I love all that stuff. Like the things that people are doing. Like, let me tell you something. As much as people go like ra spit, but I love watching her create these masterpieces and with ingredients that I probably can't even say, you know, they're just, I, I enjoy, you know, she takes joy in cooking and, and all of her gadgets, and I know people who are like that.

They, it's, it's very exciting. They like doing it. And so a lot of people will get out here on these apps, And, they like, oh, you just wanna cook and clean people? I'm like, no, she just likes to cook. I know people who love doing that kind of stuff. They like making stuff and trying stuff. And. they need a new gadget for the gadget and up, you know, whatever. And they're, they're loving it. And it's not because they're being forced to do force about it. They just wanna make stuff. I wanna hear more about it. If you're gonna de men, I challenge you not to bring up men, all the things you're talking about, how you're decentering men, but that's all you talk about.

And tell me the things that you're doing that's gonna make you happy, how it made you better, how you affected someone, because it won't even matter. Married and single women are gonna wanna know young and old tell me how are you doing it? You can show me better than you can tell me. But getting down here on this app, complaining every two seconds about how you're gonna man to poor people, divestment. And I'm sitting there thinking like, all you do is talk about, man, I just think you want a man. And then they were like, we're so happy. I'm like, I've never seen a bunch of happy people. Be like, we're so happy.

I'm like, oh my goodness, you're not happy. Do something else. all right, let me get myself together. I'm gonna sip on this coffee and get ready to take my exit in about I. think my exit's coming up in one mile, which, you know, that means that it's not that long. all right? So go ahead and leave the comment. Don't be disrespectful, and then go watch all my videos, every single one of my videos, go watch my videos and then subscribe. Have a good one.

...