S4E15 BOWTHOUGHTS on Comedian Monique's Son Response to her Interview

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Good afternoon, bowess and Bows ties. So I wanna just give right on into it. Comedian and Monique's son came out and offered up some, some information or, or gave a response to I guess, Monique's interview aunt and whatever, whatever it was like he, he wanted to respond, you know, because Monique has been out in, in these social media streets, right?

And lemme just start off by saying this, my mother told me a long time ago that when you are a child, you are not responsible for anything happening to you. Any traumas that happen to you, right? You're not responsible as far as something that's inflicted on a parent or loved one or anything like that, right? But when you are older, you are responsible for getting the help you need, right?

You can't control what happened to you in your childhood, but when you move forward in life, as you get older, you are responsible for getting the help you need, seeking the therapy that you need. So I don't think this young man that came out and and spoke about Comedian, Monique's parenting is a bad guy, right? I, I don't think that at all. But, and, and let me just say this.

I am not co-signing Monique's parenting. I don't really wanna judge her parenting I. think she may have made some mistakes. And I think she recognizes that, you know, how she parented, this is how I think. I understand it may not have been the best for, for her son. And so I don't want to co-sign her behavior. but I do wanna say this. I think when you see that there is a woman, a mother, or whoever who has been through something, right?

And, and then so she's gone through sexual abuse as a child and then as an adult, she was out there for a period of time. And I'm not quite sure exactly what her relationship was with her oldest or one of her older children's. The, the, the guy that came out spoke with the father, but a, a person who needed some healing. And so I, I don't know how that affected her relationship with her oldest, but apparently something did affect her relationship.

Okay? So it's kind of like, I'm not saying she's crazy, but if you know somebody is crazy, why would you argue with a crazy person? Or why would you try to reason with someone who's crazy, right? Like they, they clearly are in a, they're not in the, they don't have the capacity to be busy with. And what I am saying is you, I I I get the impression, the feeling, my, my, my, these are my opinions, okay? That this young man I think is calling out her questionable mothering back then and today.

But she may not have the capacity to be the mother that he wants or needs. And he's going to have to reconcile himself to the fact that she may not be able to give him what it is that he's seeking. So I, it is not that I'm trying to take her side. What I am saying is I, she may not have the tools, she may not be healthy enough to give him what it is that he wants. And although he makes some really good talking points about why should I have to go to her, I mean, he is right.

But, you know, I I think that Monique has been in many unhealthy relationships and has suffered from many unhealthy relationships. And maybe even currently with her husband, I don't know. I'm not in a relationship now, I find it strange that she calls Daddy or any woman who's calling her husband daddy. It's not for me. Dr. Heavenly, on the Married to Medicine show calls her husband daddy.

I don't call my husband daddy. He is a daddy to my children. The only time I say, Hey daddy is if I'm referring as far as to my kids' relationship. So if they say, Hey, can I do blah, blah, I'm like, ask Daddy when he gets home. But when I'm talking about my husband, I refer to him by his name or I say my husband or something along those lines. So when we talk about Monique and her relationship and relationships past hand present, it is clear that she has gone through a series of relationships that may not have been healthy for her.

So when her, her son gets out on social media, I think he's seeking certain things that she may not be able to give him. So he is holding Monique responsible for certain things, and I think it's okay for him to do that. But at the end of the day, he is responsible for his mental health and wellbeing. I'm not saying he's unhealthy. I I'm just saying that if there are expectations from her, from a mother standpoint, I am not sure at this time or ever she can give that to Kim.

And there are things that she knows about herself and, and things that she has experienced that are most likely traumatizing. I don't know. I have not walked in her shoes. A lot of people wanna pour on, I'm sick of her and she's this, she's that. Well, I don't wrong. So I will be out on this island by myself. As far as how the industry has treated her. Is she talking about it a lot? Yes, but it doesn't mean that she's not right, because we don't like the manner in which she brings up such information.

But when it comes to the son complaining about her relationships with her Oprah, whatever it is, I don't even remember exactly what it was that I was because I was, have listening. I just feel like as much as we want to go in on her parenting, whatever, I wanna be clear, Monique may not be capable of being the mother that this young man needs or wants because of her own past experiences and I think what he is looking for may not be within, she may not have the tools at this time to do it for whatever reasons.

There's a barrier there. It could be embarrassment, it could be shame. There's, there's something going on there, but I don't know. What I do know is if you know that your mom went through these things, right? But we're all flawed, we're all human. I mean, you know, clearly, obviously she has gone through something where she could not be the mom that he needed, but I find interesting besides the fact that I still think she needs to get some therapy because I do find it strange that she has to be married to somebody that she says is raising her.

And she calls him Daddy I think the thing that that tickles me, if you wanna say tickle, is the fact that he likes to go in on what she did or didn't do. At the end of the day, she wasn't the only person responsible for bringing him into this world, right? But I think she's taking the brunt of the blame. I I am not so sure. I don't remember, I don't recall because I don't remember parts of what he said. And, and, and so please excuse me if I miss something, he should be concerned about his overall parenting.

you know, what his father, you know, like it should be, it shouldn't be just on her and I think, the reason why I feel so compelled to speak on this is because I'm like, you know, we clearly have a community of individuals, especially men who just really have issues with their mothers And. they don't seem to take the same umbrage with their, with their fathers. They don't say things like, where was my father while my mother was struggling?

I I have two parents. Why didn't my father come in? Excuse me? Why didn't my father help give me? 'cause a lot of people will say things like, men don't nurture. Yes they can. Yes they can. Okay, maybe it doesn't look the same as a mother, but men can do things too. And I just feel like when I listened to what I, what, what parts I have listened to about that, that fractured relationship. Like I said, Monique may not be capable at this point in time of being the mother he needs or wants because of her past trauma and, and, and, and poor relationships.

And like my mom has said, you as a child, you are not responsible for the trauma that is inflicted on you 'cause you were underage. But as an adult, you are responsible for your mental health and wellbeing. So I'm not saying that he doesn't have the right to call out Monique. What I am saying is you see it what it is. She can't, she doesn't know how to be the mom that you need for, for whatever reasons of things that has happened to her in the past. But more so I find it interesting that granted, he's responding because she responded I guess in the media stuff like that.

but I just kind of feel like you also had a father. And I find it that we can get out here and get on on social media and a lot of people want to go in on her. And I get it, but I'm like, but this young man has a father. And I don't see this same as people call it energy. They don't have this same zest for saying, but where was my father to pick up the slap when my mother couldn't? She was not equipped. She didn't have the tools she was hurting.

Yeah. Where was I going with this? I think everybody likes to get out there and judge. And I'm not saying that Monique wins parent of the year, which is probably the reason why she was able to perform so well on that movie. Precious. Now I didn watch the movie because I don't like watching those kind of traumatic movies. But the, apparently this mother in that movie was so dysfunctional and, and so broken and, and, and other things. Maybe Monique saw something in that, I don't know if it was from her or maybe how she felt when she was violated as a child by her brother or whoever else in the family.

I don't know. What I do know is this young man, her son seems to have issues with the mom. I don't think he was really disrespectful or anything like that because I think he's allowed to share his feelings. but I find it so interesting that he's willing to, to go that hard about the mother and never cause out the fact that, Hey dad, where were you when mom was falling? And she couldn't be what I needed.

I mean, I just wanted to throw that out there. I just wanted to throw that out there. And this is the reason why you see so many young men out here having issues with black women instead of looking at their childhood and totality, they have to hyperfocus on the parent because who else are they gonna blame, right? They gotta blame somebody. So mom, this is your fault and she's part of the problem. But what about that father? You know, I think that there was another point I wanted to make and I thought I wrote it down and I completely forgot.

I, I I think that what, oh, this is what I was gonna say. I think that this young man is just going to have to get to some sort of peace with knowing that like his relationship with his mother, it is going to take a hercule effort to get it to a place where he's comfortable. He's also gonna have to get to the point where he may have to get with some acceptance, but that it may not ever be what he's looking for because she's maybe is not equipped with him, whatever that is, he's going to have to get that, that, that, that peace and that healing for himself because he's a groom man.

Now he's going to have to deal with that. He's gonna have to reconcile that. And then he also needs to search within himself. Like, why do I want to blame just my mom? Because I had two parents. He needs to figure out why is it that he's so hyper-focused on mom? And lemme tell you something else, lemme tell you. Where I both fought Monique, you know, A while back I talked about Brian McKnight, okay?

And I was really disgusted with how he was handling this, this discourse between his children, And, they are saying, can be applied to Monique when you know that you have a child who's, who's suffering in some way mentally, emotionally or something like that, why do you wanna take the social media? And sometimes it's gonna be hard to take the high road, right? Like when, when Kirk Franklin did the same thing, I would've probably minimized as much as I can.

No, it's easy for me to say I'm not in that situation, right? But to take to social media, and I, I don't know if you really aired out any dirty laundry, but they're, they're, they're, they're going back and forth making these response videos. And I'm like, at what point do you say, okay, I hear you son, you're hurting and there's nothing else I need to offer up to for, for, for public consumption, right? At what point did we say, Hey look, what can I do to make this right instead?

So my mom also used to always say, you're so busy trying to be understood rather than seeking to understand. So when you look at what's playing out in the media, on the one hand it's like you want for Monique to say, okay, no MAs, my son is hurting and I'm a big part of that, that pain. But then on the other hand, you look to that son, it's like at one point do you say, I don't know if she can ever be the mother that I want or need.

She doesn't have the skillset right now or she doesn't have the tools. I reminds her her. So, but I don't know, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to to to throw that out there because there's all this going back and forth and everyone wants to judge. And I'm like, well clearly this woman has not healed. Like I said, if you can have a woman who will refer to her husband as her daddy and say that he's raising me, that already in itself lets, you know, sometimes it's not worth trying to tear down somebody.

If you have a crazy person who's crazy to you, argue, but the crazy person, no. Like, but it, it becomes moot at that point. It becomes wasted mental cycles. And so when you have a woman like a Monique or a doctor heavenly who refers to her husband as daddy, you already know that these women have some things that maybe they need to work on. There's no need to tear them down. So when we got the public out there, they want to judge her. you know, you make this, you make that with your son and blah blah blah.

I'm like, and she very well may not be, but do we not offer Grace to both parties who are involved? She can't, she can't even see the forest for the hills in her own current relationship. And now I feel like I'm judging. But what I'm saying is when you see that someone is, is in a space where they can't see outside of it And, they have convinced themselves of things, then how do you expect for her to be able to reconcile certain things with her son and also hold her son accountable for getting the help he needs?

And he needs to accept that she may not be able to give him what he wants or needs. He's responsible for that. He's gonna have to learn to say, okay, well look, how do I navigate this relationship with my mom? They both need to figure out how to not get on social media and air this out. It needs to stop, you know? Anyway, getting back to it. Let me just say this. I am not co-signing Monique's behavior, okay?

The interview she did with on Close Club Shehe, I agree with much of it. They're my opinions. I can have them. I'm allowed to have them. I don't really care how many people are sick of her and all sort of stuff like that. And yes, do I recognize she has some mess about her? I absolutely do. It doesn't mean she's all wrong. Now can she probably stop talking about certain things? Yeah. But if she's being, if she's brought on and she's asked about certain things to talk about certain things, how are you mad at her for speaking about what is her collection of experiences?

If you don't wanna hear about it, click off. I'm not sitting here saying that like I exalt her or anything like that. But she's not all wrong. And yes, she has some mess about her. We all have some mess about us, right? But I think the reason why this, this whole scenario with her for whatever reason I thought was really interesting was because here we have a black woman who has been through what she's been through and we don't have to necessarily like certain things, but why don't we find ways uplift her?

Why don't we find ways to say, Hey SISs, like let's work on the healing. But instead we'd like to poke fun and pick at and all these things. We wanna tear her down. She ain't even that fun anyway. Well, a lot of her stuff is dated, right? Her, her comedy. But the point I'm trying to make is we won't offer up anything meaningful. We won't offer up any sort of solutions. What we like to do is engage in sha and fraud sha and fraud. I I think that's how you pronounce it.

S-C-H-A-D-E-N. F-R-E-U-D-E. And it's when you delight in somebody else's downfall. So anyway, that's just where I'm going with it. I think that she has a lot of mess about her and she clearly is not in a really good, healthy place. If she were, she wouldn't be referring to her husband as daddy.

'cause let me be clear, I do not refer to my husband as daddy unless I'm talking to my kids. Hey, talk to your daddy when he gets home. Danny will take care of that when he gets home. Not me or what, whatever, you know what I mean? But when I'm talking about my husband, he has a name. I do not refer to him as daddy. So that already lets you know where she is, what's, what's going on with her. all right, I think that's pretty much it. I think that's pretty much I'm curious to see what everybody else thinks about it.

you know, Hey, by the way, this is a good time to go ahead and gimme that thumbs up because I'm amazing in every way. I could do no wrong. I'm curious to see how people are going to respond to this video because so many people wanna pour on this woman. I know she's got some mess about her. We all do. Sometimes you gotta weed out the noise. I do hope that her and her son take the rest of their squabbles off of the internet, as they say, take us out the group chat, right? They need to take that no more.

Similarly, like with the, with like Kirk Franklin and his son or Brian McKnight and his children, right? That's not for public consumption. And once again, I'm just gonna leave this out there for everybody. I know. I said it multiple times, but I'm gonna say this last time. What you do when you are an adult, you are responsible for your own healing, your own mental health and wellbeing. Your parents are no longer responsible for making certain things whole.

It would be nice, but you may not ever get it. You may not ever get that closure. And you're gonna have to find peace. You're gonna have to find a way to create the tools that you need in order to move forward in life. And to think that someone can provide certain things for you. Like somebody like Monique, she may not ever be able to give this young man what he's looking for. She may not ever be able to be the mother he desires. So he needs to figure out how am I gonna move forward with that?

And number two, why am I hyperfocused on just my mom? Because you also had a father. Why aren't you, do you have this same energy, this same smoke for the dad? Why do you wanna place all of this at squarely at the foot of the mom? you know, she's got some mess of honor. All right, that's where I'm at with it. So. let me know your thoughts.

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