S4E18 Childless at 40 | Unpopular Opinions

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✅Check out my #bowthoughts on a previous video on "MoWhy Women Are Choosing to Be Childless" https://youtube.com/live/bSnqFF82Pbo

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, good morning bows and bow ties. I typically don't come on this early in my, my Journey to work, but you guys saw the title. The title right now as it stands, says Childless at 40 Unpopular Opinions. I don't know if I will have this same title, if this title will remain, but let me just tell you where, why I wanted to talk about this for a second. I just got back from a weekend with my husband, actually, we went away where I could wear a tank top in some booty shorts.

Now granted, I'm, I'm in my forties, my husband in his fifties. I'm sure my, my shorts did not look the same as they did when I was 20, but the significance of that was we did not go with our children, and I don't regret it at all. Now, granted, when we got on a plane, I was missing my kids. I always do this and as soon as we get on a plane, whenever we do take some time away from the children, you know, my husband's like, now see, you always do this.

What is wrong with you? I'm like, I don't know. But we went without our kids and we were able to move around much more freely and do the things that we wanted to do. So, recently I started getting in my feed. I would say it was, did it start in my YouTube feed first?

I can't remember which one is which, but I think it was primarily my YouTube feed, and it was a bunch of little videos on women who were Childless. And so I selected it. Now, this was maybe like a week or two ago when I selected it. And then, you know, I saw more this morning. And so once you select something, you know, the algorithm will curate a bunch of videos on that particular topic, right? Okay.

So I deserve to get bodied up by a whole bunch of videos on women who are Childless, So. let me just give you an opinion on, on women who are making these types of videos. I'm not upset at all. If you ask them a question, they answer, you cannot be upset that they gave you an answer they didn't like.

Now, maybe a couple of the answers that I've heard, I'm like, I kind of pushed back on, but one of the examples was is there's a woman who mentioned she enjoys being, if, if my video starts acting crazy, it will clear up. 'cause this is a spot that I'm known to have shenanigans in. Okay? So just be patient. The video will get its life back together. So anyway, when, if you ask a bunch of women who are in their forties or fifties or you know, you know, they're, they're basically past childbearing age, or they're nearing the end of their ability to have children.

If you ask them their opinions on, do you regret the fact that you've never had children? You're gonna get a variety of answers. But there's gonna be women out there who's gonna say no. Oftentimes people will go demonize these women because they chose not to have 5 million kids. They're like, you're selfish. They're this.

I'm like, well, wait a second. These women chose a lifestyle that works for them. They are saying, I do not want to share my body. I do not want to share my time. I do not want to hold responsibility for, for children. And I don't think it's a crime to say that they want to live the life that they want on their terms.

Now, there are areas where I will push back, right? The areas where I push back is when you say things like, oh, I can't do stuff that I wanna do. When if, if I had a child, I like to travel, I would push back on something like that, right? I'm like, well, wait a second, I too like to travel and I seem to find ways of traveling. I won't say all the time. I did have to modify when I travel and sometimes the things I want to do.

So if you're gonna say, oh, 'cause I can't travel because I can't do X, Y, Z, yeah, I could probably buy that, but to sit there and say, I just can't do all these things. I'm like, I pushed back. I just got off a plane. Now, granted, I do recognize my privilege. The reason why I have this privilege is because I chose to establish my career. First. I met my husband and then, you know, we had two professionals who were higher earners, and then they were able to save and, and then I was able to have children, okay?

And, and go from there. I was able to remain home for a few years as well. So I was able to see both sides of the point of being a stay at home mom and to be a, be professional. With that being said, I'm not saying it was easy. What I'm saying is I was able to establish myself. My hu husband was established when I met him. So it allowed for us to have a different level of flexibility. And I recognize the privilege that I have in saying all these things.

So I just wanted to make sure I give full disclosure because not everybody has the capability. but I also wanted to say, you know, there are times when people will get out there and say, I don't wanna do this because I won't be able to travel or this, that and the other. I traveled before I had my kids. I have traveled since having kids. I have brought my kids on my travels. As a matter of fact, oftentimes when we go someplace with or without kids, I see people with children.

Now, there are gonna be times when there are gonna be certain activities you cannot engage in, and I get it right? So if you wanna take that and use that as an example of fun, I push back also, when people say, women with children are miserable, I'm like, okay, now wait a second. I, I push back on that. Because as in any situation, situation, you're going to find a spectrum, okay?

And I think there are seasons in your life, whether you are with children or without children, whether you are with children or without children. I'm gonna say then, whether you are with children or without children, there are seasons in your life. And so a lot, oftentimes people say, oh, women with children are miserable And. they, they're this and they're that. And the reason why I like to push back on that is not that that doesn't mean that there aren't women with children who are miserable, but I would say that there are stages in life that are more challenging than others.

And also when people make these comments, they never actually talk about the women who are not miserable. They always find this one side, this one thing, like the confirmation bias. They'll find a little bit of confirmation by a c cc. That's why I told you these women with children are miserable. There are women with children who have tons of joy. you know, I've experienced the highs and the lows of having children.

Okay? My son graduated from high school last year and that was a big high for me because I recall all the experiences I had with him from baby and into his young manhood. You know, I, let me just say this, when when people get on these abst And, they talk about they don't want want children.

This is how I liken it. Tell me about you don't tell me about someone else, because it's the same thing that applies. Like when you see black guys get out on these abst And, they say things like, I'm with this kind of person because black women, I'm like, tell me why you want to be with somebody else. You should be able to say, Hey, I like dating X, Y, and Z because I like the culture. I don't know, whatever it is, tell me the affirmative, don't tell me what you don't like about something else.

So when women get out here on, on these apps, for the most part, I can rock with it until you start saying, well, women with children are X, Y, Z. No, nope. Just tell me why you didn't wanna have children. If you tell me, I like to reclaim my time, I like to travel, I like to sleep in or whatever, it's, but if you can tell me I don't like, like if you tell me what it is on your terms without disparaging another group, I can rock it back.

I can totally rock with it. Now I'm gonna give you a quick story. I don't know if it's a real story. When I was younger, I had such a dysfunctional life. Like I didn't know if I wanted to have children for the longest time. And I was just like, I don't wanna deal with it. I don't wanna deal with it. As I got older, I said, I think I'm gonna have one. My oldest is not with my husband, and my oldest has a different dad, and his dad is, he is a funny dude.

My oldest, I remember I was content with my oldest and it didn't work out with his dad and, but we're still cool to this day. He is just funny. And we just, it was, I didn didn't think I really wanted any more children. I met my husband a little later because I met my husband in my thirties and he was ready to have kids and I didn't know if I really wanted to have any more kids, but I was like, you know what?

I don't hate the idea. I was content with one. And he was like, he wanted to have children. And I was like, okay. And then when I, so I had my son and I think I was just in a different place in my life. I was like, alright, I'm good. I was having fun. And then I was like, oh, you know what? I don't have a daughter. And then the rest is history, right? I went from not wanting to having children to okay with having one.

Next thing you know, I was like, I'm gonna have a daughter. And I ended up having twins, boy girl, twins. So I got my other son, which he is just as awesome and he is all right, you know, he's probably the funniest kid outta all of my kids. I, my, my children. I did not necessarily think I wanted to have four kids. I enjoy having my kids. There's times when I threaten 'em the whole time and I was, I'm pretty sure they all need therapy.

Let's, let's be clear. But I didn't, I wasn't really pressed to have kids. At the end of the day, I enjoyed living my life, having a sofa career. It wasn't as much as I enjoyed my career, I just enjoyed my freedom. I enjoyed the fact that it was a means to an end. I enjoyed the fact that I could move the way I wanted, but when I had children and I had to change how I was moving, I was in a space where I was okay with the change.

I was okay with meeting other people and gaining other perspectives. I, I was okay with enjoying that side of womanhood. you know, I had my kids when I was 28, 33, and 35 and I don't regret it. With that being said, I can understand how women who are Childless at 40 may or, or 50 or whatever it is, I can understand that too.

I don't like when I see people demonize a group of women who are Choosing a different path. but I also don't like when these women get out here on these apps, And, they go out of their way to say something negative about women who choose to have children. So the way I see it, it's like, look, regardless of your choice, you have your choice. I don't want women coming after these women. This is what you're designed to do. They, there you can be designed for something, not necessarily do something, right?

Like this is a bad example. You can be a bucket. It's designed to hold stuff, but sometimes the bucket is empty and that's okay too, right? It, it's not carrying anything. Women can be designed for having babies, but not everyone should have babies. Not everybody wants to have babies and not everybody is resentful that they didn't have any, you know, that's just where I'm at with it. I, this child was at 40, 50 or whatever it is.

I don't know. I don't look at this as this great negative thing. There are women who did wanna have children and it just didn't work out for them, right? And I get it, but I don't wanna demonize any of these women either. I think that they want to live a child free life. It gives them a level of freedom and, and they get to just focus on themselves and all that good stuff. And I'm here for it.

I don't think it's a bad thing. Everyone's sitting there trying to say that these women are so selfish. I'm like, you're selfish for thinking that these women need to like, share their wound with the world. Let me tell you something. If you guys need to start paying attention, I had just texted someone last week, I think I've commented on this in the video about how there was a, in Korea, I in South Korea, their birth rate has fallen below one I think they're at like 0.7 and it's protected to go to 0.6 or something like that.

Women have literally said, I no longer want to have children. They, they don't even wanna be in relationships with men. you know, not in a, a homosexual way in terms of like having those kinds of relationships with women. They just want to just be in fellowship with other women and have fun. And, they don't wanna have babies. I guess because their patriarchal society is so oppressive for them. They're just like, we don't care like what you want.

We are not having these children. You can't force us to have these children. We have a job or a boss. Now you got a bunch of angry men, men that women don't wanna have babies, you know, they're like, for what? This isn't the life that I want this, this benefits you. This doesn't benefit me. You want me to have these babies for your benefit and I don't see a benefit for me. So like, like I said, I look at what's happening, people are getting on these apps and more and more young women are just saying, I don't wanna have any more children.

I don't want children. So getting back to the whole premise of what this was about, women who are Childless at 40 and 50 and 60 or whatever, I don't think it's that big of a deal. There are women who knew they didn't wanna have any children. And, they stuck by it. There are women who got who were on the app, And, they mentioned that I, they had a miscarriage early on or maybe they terminated their pregnancy early on. And, they didn't regret it. They felt like it was the best decision of their lives.

I'm not here to speak on the determination, but I will say is they seem to be happy that they are not with children. So, and the one thing I agree with them on is when people come at them And, they say things like, oh, don't you wanna have children to take care of you and get older? I'm like, that's a crappy reason why to have children. I didn't have my kids so they can take care of me when I get older. That's not why we have kids.

That's a really crappy reason to bring someone into the world that's selfish. You talk about women who don't have children, I think it's selfish to say, I'm gonna bring a child into the world so they can take care of me when I'm older. That's not a reason why you have kids. Anyway, I just wanted to give that little perspective. It's not popular, but I wanted to speak. Connie, I'm not sitting, I'm not advocating for or against kids.

I'm saying if you don't wanna have kids, that's okay. I'm saying if you wanna have kids, that's okay. But whatever your reasons are, what your reasons be your reasons without having to disparage the other group. It's like I said, all my alarms are going off. If you don't wanna have kids, don't have kids. You just don't have to disparage anybody else in the process and talk down on women who chose to have kids. Alright, hopefully this was a little bit entertaining to go ahead and subscribe because I'm amazing and everybody could do no wrong and hopefully this will spark conversation.

If not, that's okay too because I said what I said. These are my both box and yeah, I, think that's it.