S4E95 More BOWTHOUGHTS on Ballerina Farm Lady

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, good morning. My bows and bow ties. I have my ear pod earbud, whatever you call those things in my ear. I'm not sure if you can hear the birds chirping, but let's get started. Oh gosh, why am I out here? So it's a little warm out here, here, and I probably should have put an umbrella up, but that would've required me to do some forethought or have some forethought. So I wanted to talk about the ballerina farms thing for a second.

You guys saw the thumbnail? I'm kind of like invested 'cause it's such an interesting story to me. I typically don't like getting involved in people's marriage lives or anything like that. Occasionally I'll have like some light opinions, but ultimately I feel like unless you are in extreme danger, it is not for me to comment on. but I'm gonna comment today. Let me just say this. The ballerina farms lady, for those of you who are unfamiliar, I I, I guess there'll be like a little thing at the end of this video.

I. think I've already linked it. I'm not sure. Did I link it already? No, I didn't. Well, anyway, I'll make sure I make, put in the previous video you'll see the, the, the card or the whatever it is. The previous video, ballerina farm lady, lady, for those of you who don't know who she is, she's the lady who grew up Mormon, was a very skilled dancer. Dancer got accepted into Julliard, which for those of you who don't know, it's like, it's kind of like the Harvard, at least in the United States for those who are in the arts.

Like, or one of like the, it's like almost like an Ivy league for like talented dancers and musicians and people who are into like the arts and theater and it's that, that type of thing. Okay? And not only did she get accepted, my understanding is she was also accepted on the full ride. Long story short, she met her now husband when she was in college, and then they proceeded to get married early.

Sorry. you know, I always have sinus issues. I have my glasses on too because my eyes are feeling like they're a little watery and I don't want you guys to look at me like I'm psycho. So anyway, she met her husband. He basically wanted to wipe her up as soon as possible and put pressure on her. There was an article, I believe it was the New York Times, I can't remember what article it was, but there was a New York Times. I'm gonna say it was the New York Times, but do your own research, do your own fact checking. I believe it was the New York Times. I can't remember which one I brought it in. But basically she was pressured into getting married early and within three months she, she, they, they dated for like a month or something.

And then I forgot where I got this from. And. they, they were engaged for a few months or whatever it was. But long story short, he really, really wanted her. There's a lot to this story. Got her wifed up within months and pregnant, and she dropped out of Julliard. And this guy that she married was married like a Aire, okay? His father is one of the partners or owners of JetBlue. So I shouldn't say he's the, the, the bajillionaire.

It's his dad, but he's heir to a very wealthy family. Now, let me just say this, this is probably going to irk some people, but I have multiple thoughts on this. Oh gosh, my eyes are watery still. Oh, okay. So one, I know a lot of people are upset at some of the things that are going on that was reported on from the New York Times article or whatever publication that it was.

And in that publication they, oh, who, who's, who's leaving comments. Oh, what's up? Hey, haven't seen you in a while. So in that publication they were talking basically the way it was written, I'm going from my understanding, was written based off of that woman who, who wrote that article or I think it was a woman. Her observation and this woman ballerina farm, her name is Hannah Neman.

Okay? She basically was this, this beautiful Mormon depends on your standards, right? Like I, I guess she would be seen as conventionally, pretty I. think she's a nice looking lady. She was, I guess like a blonde-haired woman. Like so you know how America has it own colorism, even within white people, right? Like, you're beautiful if you're blonde, blonde, blue eyes, right? But she was an attractive lady, she was Mormon. So they have a different set of values. She was, she, she fit the prototype of like, this is my wife, blonde hair, blue eye.

He, he wiped her up. They got married and she started having a million kids. Right now she's totalling at eight and I think she's 34. So she has eight kids by this guy and completely pushed her dreams off. And there's plenty of clips out there. If you go look and do yourself, you could look up ballerina farms, you can look up Hannah Neman and you see, she was apparently a really good dancer and she would admittedly claim that for herself right?

Now, obviously when you go many, many years later and many children later, obviously you're not gonna perform at the same level you were like almost a decade ago. But in that article it sounded really bad. Some of the things that was going on, like this woman, this wasn't the life that she wanted for herself. And it sounded like this woman was in a controlling relationship. And I tend to believe it. Now, granted, I'm going based off of the article, but I've seen this prototype before.

Now let me just say this, for those of you who know, I told you I was a professional. I met my husband, I stayed home for a few years with my children, even though actually they went to daycare too. But I was home for a few years and then I returned back to the workforce. And during that timeframe, that was the best and absolute effing worst time of my life. I personally was just like, I'm not cut out to be a stand mom. It's one of the most exhausting things.

And my kids actually went to daycare too, but when they weren't in daycare, when they were little, like, oh my goodness, now this woman has admitted to being extremely tired to where she can't get out of the bed for about a week. Or maybe it was the husband that did that. And I think the thing that's got people up in arms right now is they saw the, that viral clip. Are you laughing at me, Gerald? He's over here laughing at me. So there was this viral clip of this lady where, of Hannah Neman where she's sitting here.

I hate saying slaving away on the farm because it brings back other like, you know, visuals. But she's working her hind parts off on this farm, cooking and cleaning all day, taking care of these kids. These kids are like attached to her. And what she wanted for her birthday was a trip to Greece. Now, this man is a bajillionaire and or his family is a gajillionaire And. they still, you know, he got her egg apron and she was like, oh, thank you.

He was like, you're welcome. 'cause basically he was almost trying to get her to say thank you when he said he was walking. He got her an apron. Where am I going with this? 'cause there's a lot to unpack behind this. This is the thing. I do believe that this woman is in a situation that she probably feels like she can't get out, but I wanna stop right here for a second. I notice is gonna anger some people, you're allowed to be mad. Now look, I'm an American, you know, this is Olympic timeframe, but I'm letting you know I'm sipping outta my Canadian cup.

you know, I got a cup of coffee because you know, when I took the kids to Canada, I don't know why. I just like this mug. So I'm not Canadian, but I like the mug. So, let me just say this and be prepared to be mad at me. My mom used to always tell me, you are not the victim, you are the volunteer. Now, I wanted you to let that one sink in for a second. Now, I say this because I know I am probably making some people feel some kind of way.

I will probably try to chop some of this up. Or maybe I'll just go on TikTok and just do a whole thing on TikTok. I know people are going out of their way to feel sorry for this woman. And don't get me wrong, I do think she's in a situation that has, you know, progressed over time. It's almost like blink if you need help, you know, send out a signal, you know, yodel or something, I don't know. but I feel like this woman grew up with a certain set of ideals, okay?

She grew up in a Mormon family. My understanding is they're known for having large families. They kind of sort of look a certain way anyway, right? Like I, I, I kind of, I'm not calling her a racist, but I find that many of the people who grew up Mormon, those who come out of it, they will be honest and talk about some of the things they were taught. But it, there's, it's a certain lifestyle that they grew up with. Anyway, okay?

There's a certain set of things, and I'm not saying this is all, all Mormons. I don't wanna have to qualify everything, but if you go ahead and do some reading, you could just look up, there's multiple different ways that these, that the Mormon, Mormon families grew up, but she grew up a certain way. She subscribed to a certain set of culture, certain set of ideals, And, they, they have much, I would say more defined female and male. Male, I mean woman and man roles, okay?

So she chose to marry this man and everyone was like, well, she was pressured to marry him. It was still a choice, maybe not good choices or maybe she was young and impressionable, but we have to be honest and call it thing a thing. This was a choice. She chose to marry this man. She chose to leave Julliard and a promising career, okay?

This was a choice and these were the seats she sowed early on. Now I know this is gonna make some people mad. I feel like there are varying forms of abuse, right? And I'm looking at that situation like it couldn't be me. But that's her situation, right? That's not to say that she shouldn't garner help. Now, where, why, why am I saying this? I, I feel like, I don't know if this is the, the human nature part of me because I'm torn on the one hand, I don't like to see women be put in these situations the way I felt like this woman is under duress on this farm, right?

But she's, how do you get out of this, right? You have a, a billionaire's son who, who controls everything from the outside that we know of. But on the other side, you guys are gonna have to forgive me, but I am human. I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say. And this is gonna be unpopular. It is hard for me to get that far behind, get behind a woman who doesn't look like me, who has all the privileges and entitlements in the world.

And I see a lot of women who don't look like me getting out here on social media, especially on TikTok. And they're talking about it like, oh my goodness, like poor her, poor her. And to some extent, yes, but I'm like also she's not the victim. She's a volunteer. Now, part of this could be, there is a cultural separation for people who look like me when we view this versus people who don't look like me. However, I do find the whole scenario surrounding this woman to be wonderfully interesting.

I don't know why. But with that being said, the level of how women who don't look like me are going hard for this woman, but I don't see them going hard for women like Sonya Massey who was just shot, like I don't see them going that hard for all women. They went hard for a blonde hair, blue eyed woman who used to be a ballerina who married a billionaire. And yes, is there some sort of abuse probably happening? And I'm not talking physical, I can't say 100% for sure, but based off of the information you see out there, I feel like this woman, I'm like, just blink if you need help.

But I think much of it is cultural, right? So this is what she knows. And I think people are trying to impose their value system on this woman. I mean, the woman looks tired, he won't let her have nannies. And there's a lot of really great commentary out there from these other women who are like, I used to be a Mormon trad wife. And let me tell you, and for those of you who don't know what a trad wife is, you should go look up the term tra wife.

It's like a port man for a traditional wife. Okay? You need to look that up. And then you, some of this might make more sense, but I just find it really hard for me to be like super behind this woman, right? but I do feel for her. But as a whole black woman, I'm like, you, you know, I watch women get out here on these apps. They're going so hard for a woman who's, I would say, this is not the lifestyle that I would want.

But at the end of the day, I'm like, there's so many women every day who are not living on farms who might be living in your trailer parks or in the hood or in suburbia who go through these things too And, they all don't look like her. And let me tell you this ballerina, she was a beauty pageant person. you know, I mean this woman to be, if we're being honest, this is an incredible woman. She keeps herself fit. Now granted, I don't know how she's doing it.

I don't know if she's under pressure for it, but this woman is incredible. She's, she's beautiful by conventional beauty standards. She was a great dancer and now she helps run this 300 and something acre farm with 5 million kids. But it is hard for me to get that behind a woman who doesn't look like me, who has all of the entitlements and everything in the world.

And she actively chose this lifestyle. Now, I don't know if she'll ever admit it, maybe, maybe not, but it seems like that's the trend where there's more and more women coming out and admitting this. But she may have buyer's remorse. I don't know. I'm sure it's really difficult to leave a really wealthy man because, and I've heard multiple stories on this, but, and, and I've, I've talked to women who are just stay at home moms when the man makes all this money. And if they, and if they are tethered to a family that has a lot of money, there's a lot of difficulty in separating, not because you want to be a billionaire, but more so on how do you take care of yourself.

Especially when they gave up careers or they did not pr finish pursuing their education, right? And so now they don't have any, I would say workforce skills. They have skills, but it's hard to get the current set of skills they have to translate over into something that you can use in the workforce. And so when I, I talk to women who've been single, single stay at home moms and that type of thing before, and, and their husbands are, I, I don't wanna say too much because I don't know who's watching this.

And so they very well maybe thinking I'm talking about them, but you know how many times I've heard this from women who have these really high earning men, And, they stay home. And I would hear, oh my goodness, I, the, the, the self-esteem hit that many of these women take it is unbelievable. I did it for three years. And I was like, oh, this isn't for me. I no longer had a name. I was my husband's wife.

And I had to correct them. Like, no, my name is, I couldn't take that. I'm like, see me? It's not that I need to be seen all the time, but you need to see me, right? I, I didn't like how people talked down to me. I didn't like feeling like I was just a commodity. Now my husband wasn't trying to do that, but also he had a blind spot. And when people were like I think, he just was just thinking this is my wife. And wasn't thinking like I was like cringing on the inside, you know? But when I listened to some of these women who are with these high earning men, And, they choose to no longer work.

Now it's different when you have agency in yourself. You have resources or you have access to resources and family support or whatever like that. But I'm talking about the women who don't have access to this type of thing. Let me tell you, they have been some of the greatest educators on what not to do. 'cause they have gotten honest, I've listened to some of the things they said. I'm like, oh, oh my, oh me, oh my. No ma'am. but yeah, so gimme back to this ballerina farm.

Her name is Hannah Neman. N-E-E-L-E-M-A-N. Go look up the whole thing for yourself. There's a lot of commentary out there on this woman. I personally, I feel bad for her, but I feel like, okay, I, I feel like those who don't look like me, they need to go cape for her. They go, go cape for her. Because see what happens is, and I'm not saying that the, that that she's asking for or anybody's asking for it. But don't ask me to cape for this woman because see, when we need help, there's no one around.

I feel like every other community will take a shot at people who look like me. But you got a woman whose husband is heir to for millions, like, like all these millions in in billions, whatever it is. Fathers like one of the owners or partners of JetBlue. And I'm just kind of like, and that's not to say that she would get all of this, but what I am saying is look, different situation. And she chose this life and you know, one of the oldest adages that we all know is like when someone wants to be controlling, one of the first things they'll do is they'll keep knocking you up.

We know this. And if you didn't know now, you know. So anyway, she kept having these babies. Look, there was a period of time when every time she had children she had to do it naturally. I think her last one, she finally got an epidural. 'cause her husband stepped away to take a phone call and she said it was great. I'm like, this woman can't even get an epidural. Oh, oh my, again, shout out to my Canadian cup even though I'm not Canadian, but oh, oh yes, Donna O'Neill, they will isolate you.

They absolutely will isolate you. Like that's a known thing. They will cut you off from your family and friends, okay? And all of your holidays and everything else will be spent with the other person's family. You will lose contact with your friend, your friends and and family. They are like the owner of all the money. like you, you don't have access to anything. Let me tell you something. When I stayed home those three years, you know, I went from being an engineer. I took some time off and hold on. What'd you say Gerald?

What did Gerald say? My mother went through this. She was a stay at home wife while we were babies. And, and at first my dad now 92, oh good lord. Didn't want her to go to work, but eventually gave in and she went back to work. Let me tell you something. Oh gosh, mys are are getting next to me. My eyes are trying to water. When I stayed home those three years, right? you know, you have your savings and everything like that. And I remember it took me a while to learn how to do this. He said it was due to traditions, you must be Caribbean or something.

So when I stayed home, I remember I had my savings and then I was running through savings. Now my husband and I are still on this, the account, new account together. I can't even get the words out, but I just always kept my accounts. He kept his account. We have one that we're on together, but I just let him put his money in there. And I just look at it, it's actually our money, but I never access it because I don't need to. I just, I have access to it. But what, where am I going with this?

I, I stopped working. I had my 500 kids and then eventually I ran through my savings and I remember my husband came home and I was looking shot out, I was looking psycho and I was like, my eyes were all moist and carrying on. And he was like, well what is your problem? I'm like, he was just like, go do your hair. And I was like, I don't have any money. He was like, go get money. Like what is your problem? Like, he's like, I don't understand. And he didn't understand what I was going through.

And he is like, the account is there, go do your hair. And I'm, and I still had not made that transition. 'cause I was so used to being independent and then to rely on him, right? But that's different. A lot of other people will be in a situation where they have to. Mother may I, my husband was like, I'm gonna need you to go take care of yourself. I don't know what that looks like. Do you need me to watch the kiss? Go do something. And the point I'm getting at is when I would talk to some of these other women who were home And, they were like, my husband controls the money.

My husband controls this, my husband controls that. And I'm like, oh my, I listen to the way these men talk to these women. I see women all the time, all the time, all the time. Who the ones who have stayed home. This isn't a knock on those who stayed home. 'cause I know what that takes to stay home. but I noticed that their self-esteem takes a hit. They wanna be seen, but they know not how to be seen. But sometimes they fight to be seen. I notice a lot of things.

I notice some of the controlling behaviors from some of these men. Not all of 'em, but there's a lot of 'em. I've seen it. I've had people tell me, I've had a woman who I knew, a woman who was married to a man who was in some sort of, he was like a financial guy, like a financial broker or investment banker or something. I don't know. He made like a whole lot of money. And when he was done with her, because she was no longer like young, like she was middle aged and she didn't look bad or anything like that, but she was no longer 25.

She was in her mid to late forties. She took care of herself. I will never forget this woman, she who shall not be named told me when they were going through the divorce, what little bit she had access to. All of that was removed and he hid all this money. She had to go get a forensic accountant to go find some of this money. And even some of it was still hidden like offshore. So I don't know, I don't know what was going on. He literally wanted her, when she decided that she was gonna leave this man, he bankrupt everything that she had access to, hid a lot of this money and made it so that it was hard for her and her.

She had one child, she had a son. Okay, so Jerry, you said it was due to traditions on how your father treated your mom. And then you said those men did this before their parents did. Yeah, that's absolutely true. But this woman was like, I literally went from living, she lived the high life to, she had to resort to walking dogs for a living, which isn't the worst thing in the world.

But to go from living high on a, you know, hog to like, I'm just trying to bring in income right now. I'm just trying to bring in income so I could take care of myself. 'cause she hadn't worked in forever. She was living in this wonderful home. Like it was, I cannot, and she was like, I don't know where he did all these things. I don't know what this was. I don't know. And the level of frustration and, and embarrassment she suffered because she was like, that's just one scenario and I don't wanna get too deep into it, but what I will say is this, when I think about a ballerina farms, AKA Hannah Neman, she's in a situation where based off of what we have read and and eclipse and everything that we've seen of this woman, it appears that for the most part, there are times when you can seem like a loving husband.

I'm sure that's perfectly curated for their channels, but it just seems like this is not an ideal situation. Now let me tell you where my hypocrisy is gonna come in. I'm a full on hypocrite. I love her content because she is so wonderful. I'm sure she has people managing her, her channels of course, but the things that she make from scratch and all that stuff like that. They had the NARA Smith out there. For those of you who wanna know, she's the biracial version of Hannah Neman, my understanding. She's also Mormon.

You see a trend. I love her content of life on the farm and making things and watching her children run. When I say this, I mean this affectionately, they just run wild, right? Because they have that open space. I don't wanna pick up my computer. I live on approximately two acres and I just love seeing my kids run on this space out here. So when to watch her, watch her children run on 300 something acres, And, they, their wonder and curiosity with the, the cows and everything like that.

It's actually quite beautiful. But you also know there's a story behind it. So you can show anything. I just like, to be honest, you know, I don't wanna purport to having a perfect marriage, but I have a decent marriage. I mean, but this took work to get to where I am. Anyway, all I wanted to say is, look, it wouldn't be for me. She chose that life. She's not the victim, she's the volunteer.

She's not the victim. She's the volunteer. People are not gonna like it. That doesn't mean that she's not suffering from some form of abuse. I think that I, it's hard for me to get fully behind her because at the end of the day, people don't get behind people who look like me. So you've got women all out here on, you know, Jesus's internet going up hard for this lady. And I, I I, I can get, I, I mean I dig it, but it's not gonna be me. I'm like, she chose this. And it could be a cultural barrier between people who look like me and those who don't look like me in our collection of experiences.

And maybe that's the reason why I'm a little bit more like, but she chose this life. Donna, you said, what if this YouTube show is propaganda because her husband isn't a farmer. He hires people to work the farm, but there is no help for her, for example, a housekeeper or babysitter. Well, he isn't a farmer. My understanding is, I don't know where I saw where I read I think he invests in equipment because he's not like a natural farmer. But that's okay. I think whatever it takes to run the farm. I know they have people that do help on a farm because she can't do it herself, but she is a big proponent in helping to run milk these cows, whatever like that.

My understanding is he's like, no, there will not be any nannies. Right? But they will have hired help for the farm. So, but yeah, I mean like I think the, their brand is like curated to present a certain kind of way. I don't think that they're completely saying like, oh this is just us, right? I mean they do have help for the business of running a farm because that's a business, right? But when it comes to those kids, he's like, Nope. He wants that woman to stay tired at all times.

You can't go anywhere. And so all the women who are like caping for her, they're like, oh my gosh. I'm like, I'll cape for her. I can't cape for her. She chose this life. She's gotta figure out how to get out of it. This is a grown woman, she's 34 now. Has he probably, you know, done some sort of Jedi mind trick on her perhaps? Yeah, she allowed herself to be that way. But I think she's probably like firmly entrenched in all these, these Mormon roots. But what I will say is if you, there's women out here who are speaking out now.

'cause they're like, yeah, I used to be a former Mormon and I lived this lifestyle and my husband was wealthy and we had all these businesses and blah, blah, blah. And then when I chose to not do this, this is what happened to me. And I mean, there's multiple women out here. You can go ahead, especially on TikTok. Trust me, they're there. So I don't know how I got on the white side of TikTok, but I'm loving it because you find out all kinds of stuff. You find out all kinds of interesting things. It's kind of nice being on the other side of TikTok. Lemme tell you the reason why I like having that come through my feed.

I am tired of seeing the same black man, black woman arguing over who's submissive, who's feminine, who's masculine. And I'm like, okay, look, none of y'all know how to do it. It's like you got all these people up there who don't have a relationship that can hold water trying to tell people how to have relationships. You've got men trying to tell women how to catch a man. I'm like, men don't know how to catch men unless you're, you know, you know what I'm gonna say? Women know how to catch men. Men can tell you what they want.

Women know how to catch men and vice versa. Anyway, you got dudes up here all on these podcasts. I'm like, they're all up there like sounding like stupid. And then you got the women who are going up there sounding just as stupid. And I'm like, so I am like trying to get off of that, that feed. Like, I'm like, how can I get this outta my feed? Like, I hate that form. Like I hate that for us, that that's all we talk about. You've got women out here who want to be like these pickney. There's a, a content creator.

I had her blocked a while ago. Like she's out there talking bad about the Sonya Massey situation. I'm like, it's just, just crazy. So yes, I like being on the other side of TikTok where we could sit there, debate about Hannah Neil a minute. All right, I, think I'm gonna have to go in because this sun is sunny and my house is cool. This sun is not cool. I thought it would be nice to be outside and the birds are chirping. but I, I don't wanna be hot and I now I need to go take a shower and I feel sweaty. So, all right, let me know what your thoughts are.

I should have just had some people come up. I never bring people up. I never think about it. Leave your thoughts in the comments. Leave more thoughts. Go ahead and subscribe and show all these videos to your aunties and your sisters and everybody else because I'm amazing in every way and could practically do no wrong. all right, see you guys.

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