S4E107 Couples with separate bank accounts: smart?

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Transcript

Speaker 2 (0s): All right. Good morning bows and bow ties. My medicine has not kicked in yet, so I may look a little sideways. This am Happy Friday. So I guess I've been kind of like half paying attention to what it's been going on the last couple days. but I did kind of like clock in a little bit to see the people talking about it. I was looking at my feed.

I mostly just listen to project podcasts that meet me Heehaw, and then I move out with my day. But when I was on TikTok, I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to get myself together here. Oh gosh. And you know, you see Murmurings over the last week or two. And it could just be what's being curated in my be, we talk about a lot, you know, some of the trap life stuff comes up again, people are just talking about relationships and it got me thinking about my relationship and I was like, wow.

And my unconventionally conventional or conventionally unconventional, I don't know. So my husband and I essentially operate off of two separate bank accounts. I mean, we have multiple bank accounts, but, and in a previous video I did mention how we were originally looking to move me over to his bank account and that was gonna be our operating, like our main account that we paid bills from, everything like that.

And in the process of getting everything set up, like I hadn't even gone through with moving everything over yet, right? I was just trying to get added on and my name had changed, But when my name had changed, I had issues accessing money from my own account at the time, right? So I was basically locked out of my account. I had to go through the whole, like I just, who I am, here's my master certificate, blah, blah blah. But then also trying to get access to his account. And then my name, like I said, my name had changed, but not everything matched.

No, it was just a mess. So I was like, oh my goodness, I don't like this. Long story short, I didn't want to, I look how crazy I look, I got my hair twist and it's pinned up and I'm just going through it. Hopefully this will kick in soon. But. anyway, so I wound up just keeping my own checking account, savings account, and my husband kept his, and then there was the one that I was put on that I still have access to, but I never, ever, ever used.

but I could see everything that's in there. And we ended up keeping separate accounts and we ended up just saying, Hey look, this is how we're going to move. Like you'll pay these things, I'll pay these things. Like he pays the mortgage and some other things and that pay some things, right? And it has been that way ever since. And so like I do still listen to Dave Ramsey at times. I do find some of his content entertaining.

I don't agree with everything he says, but for the most part, largely he, he has good sense. You, you, you take what you like and you toss the best or you take what makes sense. He tossed the best, but much of what he says is, is good sound advice. But he's always talking about, or the, the people who are on his platform, they talk about you need to have a combined account. And I'm like, well, my husband and I have been together and we don't even operate like that. We don't have a secret, you know, actually, like he can get into my accounts and everything like that.

He do all kinds of stuff, right? Like there's no secret. I know it's in his accounts half the time I forget because I don't inquire enough or look enough and he shows me vice versa, right? Some of our stuff is linked together, even though I'm not on this account, I don't if that makes any sense, right? So like for example, like, you know, maybe some of our brokerage accounts or whatever through Fidelity or whatever, right? Where am I going with this? How are you guys feeling about this whole concept of separate accounts?

They make it sound like you're not a couple if you are not on, if you don't have a joint account. And we've operated this way for years and we don't even think about it. It was only until about maybe a month ago, I was talking with some people, And. they were surprised. Like when I was like, they were like, you're not in the same account. I'm like, we have separate accounts. And, they looked at me like I was speaking in tongues because many of them, I guess if they stay at home, they're all on my account.

And I think even the one that doesn't stay at home. But I was like, you have separate accounts because we trust each other to just pay what you need to pay that set. Like it's been that way for years. I've never not had a home, but lights have never been cut off. Be, our phones have always been on, you know, but we've just, it was such a pain. And as a woman, I did not like that feeling. I was like, I already changed names, but like the fact that like it was such a pain in a butt with any of my accounts and I remember I just didn't like that feeling.

So I ended up keeping my accounts, I changed my name, but I ended up going through it with all my accounts, getting my accounts changed to the new name, and I just kept my accounts. So I'm curious to hear what you guys are thinking about couples who share the same account. Is it smart? So I have some pros and cons of my thoughts. So for one, let me tell you the reason why I like the fact that I have separate accounts from my husband, not secret accounts.

They're separate accounts. For one, I am independent. I'm a financially independent person, meaning I don't have to mother may I anything. We have this, this verbal agreement that if we're gonna make a purchase over a certain amount of money, then we need to have a discussion. But we talk about money all the time anyway.

Like literally we we're, sometimes we, we talk about, I mean, it could be anything. So our, our communication dialogue is both ways, right? My husband's always telling me what's going on. Plus he's like fanatical about how we plan for a future in retirement. And yeah, he can get real like cycle about it. No, we gotta do this because he, in his mind, he has a number that he wants us and, and everyone should have a number, right?

So we have open communication, everything down to like Bills, college, mortgage, everything, everything. Half the time I'm listening, I mean, I listen, but having a separate account, I'm sorry, I digress. I definitely feel a lot more freer. I can do what I need to do. I don't have anybody looking over my shoulder like, Hey, you know what? You're going out to lunch too much now.

Three, I don't go out to lunch virtually ever. Like virtually never. 'cause I'm also like, it just costs too much money. I don't want spend my harder than dollars going out to lunch all a time. Once in the moon I might buy breakfast. But generally speaking, I don't spend money on those kinds of things, but it allows me the ability to do things the way I want. I'm not a situation where I have ever had to worry about if somebody wants to withhold money from me or take money from me or whatever like that, I do what I need to do.

Two, I don't have any power struggles. Meaning if you are combining your money into an account, now this is just my insecurity, okay? I'm not gonna say this is everyone else. My mom and stepdad, they operated like conventionally for eternity in terms of how they handled money. He just put all his money in account. My mom managed it and she was the boss of all the pennies. But generally speaking, my insecurity would kick in because although I do, I do pretty decent for myself, my husband, my husband makes more than me.

And I don't ever wanna be in a situation where someone has more say over like, well, I put this amount in there. So when I say goes, I'm like, and I'm not saying he's like this overlooked, but I want no parts of that. I just, I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm happy the way it is. He doesn't seem to be all that pressed anyway because we just take care of business, right? And we're a team and if I ever needed something, he's like, I got it.

Number three, I feel like it's easier for me to budget because I just like having my own, having agency in myself so I know these are the things that I'm responsible for. And then after that, this is how I'm gonna move forward or whatever. So I think about things like, you know, like when people are married, And, they have like, if you're all on the same accounts and if, if somebody's not paying a bill or something like that, well it affects both of your credit.

Well, we operate a little differently. So if anything happens, like we know that for example, I'm just making this up. What if we needed to leverage credit for something and let's say I dummied up and just went out on a, a, I don't know, a, a shopping spree for, for hair bones, I don't know, and lost my mind and now I can't recover, you know? Well if my husband did not do that, he still means maintains the standing.

But if we're all on the same account and then things aren't being paid or whatever it is, well then we're both negatively impacted by that. Now Fanny I know I, maybe I'm overthinking, but I like having agency, self agency, right? you know, I, I don't know, I just feel like I don't have to answer for these small things. I don't know, like I can create that separateness. I mean we're still a unit, but I like having agency in myself, I like knowing that like if he should d me up one day, well I can still leverage credit if I need to for maybe a home respect.

What if we were all on the same account and he dummied up and decided he wanted to start a sock empire and then it tanked immediately. And now if we were all on the same accounts, well you have a separate business account, but you see what I'm saying? Like we could be in the world of her and then what if he like spontaneously like blew up or something. Now I gotta start all over. What if I have to, well I don't, I wouldn't have to move by our house, but like what if I need to go get a new house? you know, you, I would, I'd have to like leverage the bank.

So I don't know, I just, that's just where I'm at with it. And again, I think going to the next point that I wrote down, it's like there's a separation of personal credit, right? So I like the fact that we both have our, our separate lines. Not that we wouldn't before, like you know, if you're all in the same accounts, but I just think that it's okay to be separate on some things even though we still have an account that if I need to access I could.

But we have our separate accounts, we have our separate credit, you know, we have a little bit of individuality, although we are still a unit. So when people are like freaking out, like you're not on the same account. Like no, I mean I am, but like we don't operate our, our normal household budgeting stuff does not come from the same account, you know, so we just separate like you pay for these things, I pay these things. So you know, groceries anybody can pay for but he's paying for the mortgage and that type of thing.

Like, you know what I mean? So like it is what it is. If I had to, I would, but I don't have to. So I have other responsibilities. I think there's less conflict too over debt, right? So you know, we have different credit cards so we know what we're spending on a credit card, right? Like my husband freaks out, he is like, I got $500 on my card for for buying sneakers and blah blah blah. And he pays it off.

And for the most part, my credit card stays paid off too. but I, the way I look at it is like, it makes it clean and clear. He's doing what? He has a different credit card than what I have. It's really that simple. So I know these are all of my charges. So if I wanna buy, you know, a Starbucks or something from Amazon, I know it was me and when he's like, why are all these boxes here?

I'm like, I don't know, that wasn't you So, I mean I exaggerated a little but I think you understand my point. But the main thing is just that I feel like it gives me a lot more freedom to move. It gives me the ability to just have autonomy for myself. You know? Now for those of you who are, are married and you believe in combined accounts, these are some of the cons that I, I I think, I'm sorry, these are some of the cons against having separate accounts.

I'm sorry, one I think when you do have separate accounts, okay, so everything is not as transparent. So for example, my husband and I, we definitely have to work harder to communicate. Although a lot of times we have things linked, but we definitely have to communicate more because it's not just obvious, right? like you have to be intentional about what it is you wanna know versus if you're on the same accounts you have access to the same accounts.

But you know, it makes me think of things like in, in the event that you lose someone, right? When you lose someone, a lot of times the banks will freeze your account if you're on joint accounts. Like if you're married, they freeze your account for a period of time. And I just kind of feel like, well something happens. I feel like I don't want people freezing my account, I have my account right Sometimes to my husband. I still have my account that I can operate out of until the freeze comes off the account.

And like I said, because we have separate accounts, we don't have any power struggles over money. We don't. Now I've heard before when people who were on like the same account with their husband, especially if they were stay at home moms, like how these men were questioning everything that they purchased. And, they, they should, if they're running into financial difficulty, if they're not being good stewards of money, I absolutely think they should. but I also don't want anyone to be like an overlord over me because they make more than me and then wanna like, you know, I don't know.

I mean like, I mean, but I kind of get it. but I just kind of feel like, well I have agency in myself so nobody can tell me how to spend even though I'm not out here doing anything crazy, right? I don't even like to go off and watch So, I mean I don't know. Those are the things that I think about. And a lot of it's based off of my own insecurity. I'm like, oh no. Oh absolutely not. Based off of the things that I've seen, especially when let me get divorced from some of these events. No sir.

No ma'am. Let me see. I think when you have separate accounts though I will say that sometimes it's, it's hard to see how you're like, like your goals might not be as unified. It's hard to see everything, right? Because everything, like you gotta like really put together an aggregate picture. You have to be intentional about that 'cause it's not all in the same place, right? So it makes it harder to achieve some of your goals. Like if you have these goals and you're trying to figure out where am I in this?

You need to constantly check in with each other versus just if it's right there, it's all combined in one place. My husband and I are constantly aggregating our retirement accounts to see like, okay, where do we stand? Are we doing level? And that's because obviously we're both working. But if you're on separate accounts, I think it does make it harder, you know, to see like how well are you doing? you know, how are you achieving your goals? I think it could make things complicated for bills. It could if one person isn't earning enough or something like that.

But you're responsible for something. For us, it's not complicated, but we, it's just not very complicated. I can see where people, if you're not on the same account, if you're not sharing the same account space, I can see how you may experience feelings of mistrust. If you don't see like what the other person is doing. You don't have that transparency.

I'm fortunate that I have transparency, but half the time I don't even use it. Right? Like I don't, I don't need to. If he's doing something sinister and I guess he got me right? Like I, we don't have that kind of relationship. And if he wants to see what's going on with me, he's, it's, it's just not a thing. It's not. but I can see how not knowing what's happening with your spouse's accounts, I can see how you can have feelings of mistrust.

But I still would rather have separate accounts. I think what I say. Oh yeah, the thing, oh the, the thing about having these separate accounts is that it definitely, your communication has to be pretty open. like you have to communicate. Now, my husband and I I think we are a little bit lazy in terms of, so like my husband checks in more, more so, 'cause he's always fanatical about the plan, the plan, the plan, you know, so like he'll make some adjustments to like things that we're invested in, et cetera, et cetera.

He is always like, well you should do it this month 'cause this, that and the other and the dividend isn't coming. So the goal, we're retired, we're gonna have this one come dividends. We only have such a principle and blah. Like he's all in. He's all in. And and I love that for him. He gets off on that kind of stuff. I mean like he's all into it. Like honestly, if he could retire and just get stock stuff, he would be in habit. But I'd say the downside to that is like, you really have to communicate a lot.

Like just the other day we were talking about establishing a new budget because although we have one in college, we've got three more coming and we're like, we've gotta be able to, you know, afford this. 'cause we know we're not gonna qualify for anything is we're not wealthy people. But to qualify for anything, you have to be like just severely below the poverty line. So we're at the point where we're like, okay, we just have to prepare to bootstrap this because we know that we're, I mean, searching for scholarships and stuff like that too.

I mean there are options, but just generally speaking, so we are like, okay, like where are we losing our budgets? Like both of us. We were just talking about that. Like where can we both tighten up So. I mean I'm not gonna be able to, you know, buy as much as I want off of Amazon. I don't buy that much off of Amazon, but sometimes I do. Look, everybody's got their vices, okay, everyone's got their vices. Look, I'm getting low on lip gloss.

It's time for me to get some lip gloss. I like to buy tons of them. I need to put two or three in my car, two or three in his car. I like to have a couple in my purse, a couple in like whatever jacket that I'm wearing. I need a new jacket because my jacket is done, the feathers are coming out. I'm like, I'm just tacky. Right? But you know, I don't spend that. The point I'm getting at is we were talking about like we are constantly checking in with each other. Look I just need some pros and cons. I'm just curious to hear what you guys think as far as how you guys manage your marital accounts.

Do you think it's smart that we have separate accounts? I mean, 'cause I could see arguments for both sides. I'm definitely leaning towards separate accounts. It it, for one, I have my individuality, you know, we're still a unit. I have agency in myself. It gives me the freedom to do the things I wanna do. It's not that he's like, you can't do these things, but I like knowing that I can do these things, like I just do what I wanna do.

So? yeah. all right. Look, I think my medicine is starting to kicking a little I. know I look a little crazy with this crazy hairstyle and it's giving me a headache because I got it pulled back too tight. But yeah, I just did not wanna do hair. So I have my hair. It needs like two stranded twists and ah, I'm sorry, going through hair. but I did not want to do hair. And yeah, I just wanted to break. Oh man, this is all hanging out now.

But all right, So, let me get off of here because I'm making a fool of myself. Let me know what your thoughts are and go ahead and subscribe and send this to all your aunties and all your sisters and all your friends because I'm amazing in every way and can do no wrong. Bye.

...Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, bows and bow ties. Good morning. Before I get into my short story time, I just wanna say for the record, my little twists were cute this weekend. Okay? They had a little hang time. They were cute. Why are they like this now? I mean, the shrinkage is absolutely real. Absolutely real. Yeah. So we are gonna just go with it, okay? Because I know I a little. I don't know, but we're gonna go with it, okay? We're just gonna go with it and y'all just try not to get your hee haws at my expense to judge me.

But lemme just get into this quick story time. So, look, I was mind my own black and black, black business. Okay? I have a child that's in high school and I wanted to confirm the bus stop times or time because, well, the buses sometimes can be a little shady. Not shady, but mostly just the middle school bus for whatever reasons. but I wanted to confirm 'cause it's been a while since I've had a child go through high school. I have one in college, one, I just started high school and I have two that are in middle school.

So I drove my son to the bus stop, you know, normal thing where most people go, one parent just happens to walk up with their child. I drove mine to the bus stop 'cause I like to confirm when the bus comes, And, they usually, after one or two times, I don't, you know, I'm like, make your way to the bus stop. Apparently there was a man who did not look like me. And that is kind of significant by the way this morning because, you know, there's a lot of people who are really like, strong like MAGA people, and I let people do what they wanna do.

Like, like, you know, they're really like caught up. So I suspect he's one of those. 'cause you know, a lot of people will put, they're, they're going through it. I don't really care. I'm not too caught up. but I guess he decided he wanted to pick a fight with me. And I don't fight with dudes. So I'm at the bus stop, which is the stop for the buses, hence the bus stop. And he comes out and apparently outta nowhere, he parks behind me.

He has a security truck. I would bomb out his company, but I don't really remember too much and I don't care. And he decides to lean on his horn. And I'm like, there's like at least 10 kids at this bus stop at this point. It's like, okay, it's weird. I'm like, can I help you? And he proceeds to lose his mind. He is just being so disrespectful and I'm like, Lord, deliver me.

you know, I just wanna ask God to walk up front of me, right? So I'm like, excuse me, you need to control yourself and contain yourself. He's like, I you shouldn't park here. I'm like, this is literally the bus stop. you know, the stop for the buses, hence the bus stop where everybody else normally stops. And he's like, well I live here. I'm sitting here thinking like, this is a bus stop. It's on a public road designated by the county. And we've all had to park here for years because it's literally the stop for the buses, hence the bus stop.

Well, I, you can't pa I'm sitting here thinking like, I don't, I said to him, now everybody's watching and I'm, I'm watching him perform and I'm like, I dunno who you think you're talking to, but you're gonna control yourself. The fact of the matter is you need to be professional. Number two, this is literally the bus stop. You don't own the street. Well you can't park. I'm like, I literally can park here and I will continue to park here. This conversation is done. He, I don't know what else he said, but he thinks that he's gonna fuss at me.

And you know, now I'm digging in. I'm like, so now my son is like, oh my gosh. Now I don't usually get into with people. So at this point I ignore the old man. But the funny thing is, the older man across the street in one of the existing houses, he starts getting into it. He's like, I don't even know his name, but I think he was like, Bob, Bob whatcha doing? Whatcha doing go somewhere. Because basically the other family knows, like this is literally the bus stop because in an hour the middle school and elementary school crew come through there and you're gonna see a whole line of cars.

You can't tell people they can't park their car at the bus stop, which is the stop for the buses. And I'm sitting here thinking like I had to cut this guy off. Like I gave him about 20 seconds of my time, which was 20 seconds more than he deserved. And I think he was more mad because I got in my car and re-roll up my window because I'm like, I'm not engaging in this lunatic.

Now the reason why I brought that whole thing up is because I think he was mad because I am who I am. Like if you know where I'm going with it and I think he just wanted to have words with me, I don't know why I don't know this man. I don't talk to this man. I mean, you know how you walk my whole houses and you don't know everyone. Like I see people but I don't like see them because I don't care. Like, I'm like, I don't know. I'm too busy doing me. but I just thought it was so interesting that he wanted to have words with me as many people that come through there and park there.

But he chose me. I'm like, I don't know who you think you're talking to, but you are talking to the right one. Today I will be parking here. First of all, I'm not gonna be parking there anyway because my son is old enough to, to get to the bus. but I also, if it's inclement weather, if it's cold because it's not far, but it's not close, I will drive my son to the bus like most people do. like you are not gonna just say go walk in the rain and it's freezing outside. There's no need to do that.

Nevertheless, I just wanted to say you guys would be proud of me because I didn't drop any cuss words or anything in front of these kids. But I did say while I was out there, I was like, you need to stop because there are children out here, even though they're high school. I was like, there are kids out here, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't know what your problem is. I just find it interesting that beta dudes will try to pick fights with women. I don't get it. And I think he tried me because I was by myself today. And, but I know he wouldn't have came at a dude.

And he, I know he definitely wouldn't have came at me if there was more than one person there. And I, I, I honestly believe I think the way, because I look I think may have been part of it, but you know me, I'm not one of those people. Like, I'm not gonna put myself in harm's way. I'm not gonna engage in a whole lot. But he was performing so bad. I was like, what are you doing right now? He was complaining and yelling and I think he thought he owned the entire road. And I just felt like, kind of like pity for him.

I'm like, 'cause he is just so unhappy. but I know what's gonna happen is if I need to go up there again and park there, I will be parking there. But that's all I got for you guys. That's all folks. That's all folks. but yeah, we're gonna pray for my hair situation to the, the, the amount of shrinkage is real, man. This is why, you know, I don't ever try to wear too many stretched hairstyles. It's not gonna last for me unless I chemically treat it. So that's all I got.

You have a good one. Have the day that you all deserve and subscribe to my channel....

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