S4E134 The hypocrisy of black mothers | RHOP Wendy

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, good morning. So, Black, Opinionated, Woman here. I actually last night, or was it this morning, I. think it was last night. I didn't watch TikTok. Maybe it was, I can't remember. Already. My days are started to blend. I saw a TikTok that I thought was really interesting and it was, well, let me just say this before I get into it.

Something's bothering my eye. I often, you hear black women or black mothers when they are raising their daughters in environments that don't look like them. They go And. they use certain language around them. My chocolate baby, you know, she's my beautiful chocolate. This, or, you know, they say these kinds of things and, and And, they go out of their way to affirm them in terms of their beauty, their value, and everything like that.

You hear it a lot because usually the, these young ladies are surrounded by girls who don't look like them. And so their hairstyle are different to things that they can do or get away with. Depending on how their little girl is wearing their hair will determine that. Certain activities sometimes. So like if you just had your hair done, like straight strength or something like that, you tend to not want to play in, you know, water activities and the such. So when I was on TikTok, and I saw Wendy, now she was from Wendy.

Oh, CEFO, I believe that's how you pronounce her name. If I pronounced it wrong, please forgive me. I believe it's Cefo. Wendy Cefo, she is a cast member on the Real Housewives of Potomac. And she's had a lot of work done on, well, she admitted to some, but I believe, I believe she's had other work done, but she's admitted to getting her boots done.

I believe she's gotten other parts of her body done. I wouldn't be surprised if she's touched her face. I noticed that she tends to wear a lot of bust down weaves. And there was a period of time, in my opinion, when it appeared like her foundation was lighter than the color of her skin. I said all this because ni she's a Nigerian woman, or at least that is her culture. I can't remember I think she was born in Nigeria, right?

She came to the United States Flush, alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated. So, and there's all kinds of, you know, stereotypes that come along with being part of the AKAs. She is on a franchise where the women have been, I don't wanna say notoriously 'cause I don't think it's bad to be like right, but these women tend to be very fair skinned or multiracial, biracial, multiracial.

So take that information as you will. When I would see her in the past, I would see a woman who desperately wanted to fit in. And I stand by my comments. This woman is somewhere around 40, 45 years old and she still has her insecurities. I said by said, I mean, we all have insecurities, but this brown woman who's not a bad looking woman at all, she, she, I don't know, I, there, there's something going on with her and every time you see her, she has her hard rock boobs out.

She has on a bust down and a bajillion pounds of makeup. So I see her on TikTok. I guess she was having, I don't know if she was hosting some sort of talk show or panel or something, and she was talking about her daughter being this beautiful chocolate girl. And I'm like, why do we have to refer to our children as food as if to make it more palatable? But she refers to her daughter as this gorgeous girl who's surrounded by a whole bunch of women who don't look like her young girl.

No, it's full. Whatever. Right? And so she's basically, I'm summarizing, I guess talking about how she's affirming her daughter. She didn't use those words, but, and I kind of feel like it is such cognitive dissonance. It is cognitive dissonance. You cannot tell me, on the one hand, you are affirming her. You tell how beautiful she is and you have gone out of your way to not look like who you are in every way. And then she tries to put people down if she thinks that they don't match her perceived intellect.

Wendy has four. What is going on here? Whoa. We're all like, what is happening? This car stops in the middle of the road. I don't know what that was, but that's strange. I don't know what just happened. But that's scary because you can get hurt. Wow. But. anyway, so the, where was I going with that?

I'm sorry. I was talking about Wendy Eppo. Oh yeah. So everything about her, she, she has gone out of her way to change the way she looks. And she's talking about how she's affirming her daughter or basically, you know, she's concerned about her daughter being in these environments. I'm like, well, look at you. It's cognitive dissonance. How can you possibly say that?

you know, you're teaching her to love herself. The very first thing you did was hide your hair and then you, you hid your face. Not to say that you can't wear makeup, 'cause if you're on camera, you're gonna wear makeup. Right. And her body, everything about what she's trying to look like is, is not her. I, I, I kind of feel like the hypocrisy of all that is how can you possibly talk to her and try to instill in her something that you can't even live up to.

I have a daughter, she's 12 years old and let me tell you, she's proud if she can get her hair in puff, 'cause puffs are hard for me. 'cause you gotta put like two 20 tails. Really? 'cause it's thick, right? She's proud when her hair is braided. She's proud when it's, I tend like four roll her hair to her head, right? Because she plays sports. So I'll put like two, I call it the 1980s corn roll. Bam. She actually likes it. I, think it's cute on her. Sometimes that corn roll can hair up to a pointing to, to a bun.

Sometimes I put extensions in it if I need to for it to last period of time, like in the next couple of weeks she will have extensions because we will be traveling a little bit. So I don't like to bring a whole bunch of stuff. but I let her see herself the way she is. And she is so pretty. Her hair is her hair. She'll wear it in a puff. Like if I can, you know, 'cause sometimes I'm like, this is wearing me out. But when her hair is in a puff, she loves it.

She looks at herself, lips are popping and locking. She's like, her mom always gotta get this, some lip locks going. you know what I mean? She's like, you can't tell her. She's like, my eyebrows look perfect. Like she sees her beauty and she, she thinks she is the best knees as she should. She came from me, but I would be disingenuous if I were to tell her how beautiful she was or is. And everything that I'm doing for myself is to hide what I look like.

So when I see Wendy Cefo and I'm like, it's cognitive dissonance. You are saying one thing and showing something else. You talk about how you want to show her, like how she's beautiful as she is. And I'm like, you, you don't like yourself. I remember when she came on and I was like looking at some of her makeup, but I haven't watched this show in a while. But I was like, why is your makeup several?

It's like, it's the shades. Or like, it was just weird. It was like she was trying to lighten her skin. And if it, those of you who don't know one deal's I was a brown-skinned woman. Skinned woman. And if you see her, she's an attractive woman, right? She's a decent looking woman. So I'm like, you would think that she would just play up her natural assets. Nope, she didn't. Anyway, I just feel like oftentimes I hear people say these things.

I see so many women out here, their idea of getting ready is to mask. And I get it because of the beauty standards of where we are, right? So I see a lot of women masking, you know, they, they are masking. They're like, well, in order for me to feel acceptable in society, I need to make sure I go get this long bust down weave with hair texture that doesn't match what rose outta my head.

And then like the whole makeup circus. And I just wanna say, I'm not anti makeup. Let's be clear, because I'm getting ready to get one of those Anastasia tent tent flowers or whatever it is. I, I gotta figure out what shade I am. 'cause you know, these under eye circles, you know, the, I'm, I'm like raccooning under the eyes. But what I'm saying is I see the women who look like me get out here and the amount of makeup and the the bust down leaves and, and it's like, it's just like, it's just turning into a circus.

It's like clownish. I'm looking at some of these women, they look like queens that of, of that like to go dragging, if you know what I mean. They don't, they look, it's, it's, I don't know how to describe it, but it's looks clownish. It looks almost Manish now. And I say this because you have a lot of these men who engage in that and they're doing everything. Like they over contour. They do all these things to try to look feminine, but they're doing it based off of the male faces structure, right?

And I feel like these women are now trying to mimic men putting on makeup. Like it's just become, it's just like, it's like a spectacle. And so now you can't even appreciate their face. And I feel like the women who look like me are masking a lot. They're masking, they're masking. Like we already know how to code switch, right? And, and we get it. And for those of you who know, you know, for our safety of course, but between the code switching and the masking and, and the, the hair situation, it's a lot But.

anyway, to circle back to my main point, I just feel like everyone, not everyone, but you know, many of these mothers are walking in d hypocrisy era because on the one hand they're talking about how they tell their daughter this, that, and the other. But I'm like, stop telling them something that you're not even living up to. I'm not talking the one off thing or little, like I'm talking about your daily. Every day is, I don't know what that is.

Anyway, I just wanted to share those both thoughts. I, I'm curious, I'm genuinely curious to hear what people think about that. And maybe I'm being too judgmental. Look, I've been wrong before. I'll be wrong again. But I just thought, it was just so interesting that she would get out there and talk about her daughter, about how she's this, that and the other. And I guess she's trying to show her something, but I'm just, I don't know, I just kind of feel like, how can you possibly tell someone they're beautiful when you can't look in the mirror and see what God has blessed you with?

You can't do it. You're doing everything you can to change it. But you wanna say, you know, you tell somebody they're beautiful. I'm like, miss me. Those words don't match your actions. So anyway, that's it. but I feel like I'm right on this one. I've been wrong before. I'll be wrong again. Let me know your thoughts. Seriously. I, I'm actually curious on this one. Let me know your thoughts.

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