S5E34 Childless women bashing motherhood

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Oh, excuse me. Good morning, bows and bow ties. Thanks for visiting my channel. I am the opinion native woman, also known as a bow. I just wanna hop right down into it. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna come off camera because, you know, it is dark out here and you know, I don't want to give anyone a reason to pull me over or anything, so I'm just going to have my avatar show. Okay? I may come back on towards the end if I remember to take myself off of, you know, bring myself back onto video.

All right. So look, let's, let's just get on into this for a second. You know, I was minding my own business. I was minding my own business. I got up, you know, did my shower routine, all that good stuff. And then I, and, well, I was, let me rephrase that. I was lying in bed and started looking at TikTok a little bit 'cause I hadn't really looked at a whole lot and then, you know, did my normal routine and then I followed a little bit more. And so while I was doing that, I ran across this one particular content creator.

Content creator, creator, I don't know her name, I didn't capture it. And this woman was going in on why motherhood is unfulfilling and all these mothers are just living through their kids. And oh my gosh, what happened? Did I go out? What's going on? Oh, okay. And all, and all these people are just living through their kids and all sort of stuff. And although there could be some of that, that is true, but they talk about how motherhood isn't rewarding.

And I went, I went into the comments And they were a woman saying things like, yeah, we're getting degrees and this, that and the other, and they're collecting kids and all this other stuff. Then lemme just say this like, yo, why is this like not trying to stay, like have my, my phone is trying to like cut off. So look, let me just say this. I was listening to this woman talk about how women don't understand and, you know, And they, they're having to leave the kids, this, that and the other.

I would say this, now I'm going to go off the cuff off the top of my head because I, I could only listen to about, it was a long TikTok too. So I, I don't know how long she had been going on, on, it could have been like maybe three minutes or whatever. But I've probably listened to about maybe like a minute or so, give or take. So look, okay, so why is this trying to like, I don't understand like what is going on with my situation? Okay, I'm gonna come back on camera for a little bit and hopefully this, this will, will stop that from doing weird things.

So look, this is the way I see it. I got married a little bit later, right? I went to college, I spent time as an Air Force officer for five years. I traveled the world. I came back stateside when I was 25, 26 because I was little overseas. I dated, you know, and, and, and eventually, you know, I then I started up having, I get like children getting married.

Now I know what it's like to be single. I know what it's like to be a mom. I know what it's like to be married, you know, I've been on both sides. I know what it's like to be a working professional. I know what it's like to be a stay at home mom, and I know what it's like to be a working mom. Okay? So I'm going to give opinions based off of my collection of experiences.

I just wanna make this clear. I did not do research. Like I did not check the peer research. I did not check the National Institutes of Health. I didn't do any of that. I'm going to give it to you from my perspective, I think when I hear women make these comments about being child, child free and childless and everything like that, it's, it's better. All of those women who have children are miserable, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I think multiple things can be true. Or let me rephrase that. I think you can be child free and happy. You can be child free and unhappy. Just like you can be a mother and happy and you can be a mom and unhappy. I think it's going to depend on your environment, your collection of experiences, all right? That's, that's, that's the reality of it.

That that just find it interesting. Now look, I just wanna be clear bow, wow, okay, so I'm hollering, you know, hit dogs hollering because I kind of felt like, oh, now I'm not gonna lose some sleepovers. Let's be clear. But for whatever reason today, I felt like I had time today to address that because I don't understand why women who are child free, childless, whichever world words you wanna use, some, use certain words that make it sound glamorous.

I don't feel why, I don't understand. I don't understand why it's always the childless women wanna come for motherhood. I wanna make this clear because I don't see, look, I'm sure there are some out there, but I don't see in mass as mothers, you know, women with children coming after single women, what I see are, or child free women, lemme rephrase that because well many of them are single two, what I see is a collection of two things.

Women without children coming for motherhood, right? As if it's bad. And then I also see women without children trying to freeze a off their eggs because they do wanna have to walk day. That does not mean, I think that people who don't have children are unhappy. I think there are some who do wish they have children, but ultimately, I don't think every woman out there who's, who's without children is, is, is unhappy.

But I don't understand this, this weird take on coming for, for women with children. It's such a big take because the way I look at it is when you are happy, you're gonna focus on you. Okay, lemme make this analogy. It's kind of like men who look like me, they're like, I don't date black women. No, I date these other women because black women aren't. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Leave black women out of it.

If you like somebody else, just like them. Tell me why you like something else. Don't tell me why you dislike something else. And I secretly think that many of them actually do like, like women that they, I feel their, their trauma or whatever it is, but I just kind of feel like, but I don't care they what you wanna date. Like, I don't understand why you gotta keep bringing like black women into it. And that's the kind of thing. So if you're going to promote being child free and, and how great it is, why do you have to attack motherhood?

You are not promoting your child freeness. Promote that and, and let it stand on its own. If it can't stand on its own, then the argument is weak. But then, then there's this projection of all these women are just living through the kids, all stuff. Let me tell you something because I'm hollering right now. Bow, wow, right? Rough, rough. Lemme tell you something. One of my greatest successes, like my husband will probably tell you this, probably not in these words, he, he's similar.

Like, we love our children as dysfunctional of a family. We are, we enjoy watching them grow and expand their world horizons. We, we take them away from their, their comfort zones and we travel with them And they, they, they explore their different interests, right? And they play their sports And they have their successes and their failures. Some, some of my kids are more athletic than others and doing incredibly well.

They have different interests. My one son likes to fly planes, so we try to foster that and it's a very expensive activity out, right? But the point I I'm making is I enjoyed watching that transformation and knowing that I had a hand in it. Right now, it's not my life to live, if you wanna call it living through my kids, I don't know, that's fine. But to watch them have successes and the failures and their successes, watching them overcome the diversity, watching them grow, transform and be the people that they're growing into.

Like I know that sounds like a lot of words. The greats something incredibly satisfying about that. Now are there times along the way when it is stressful and it is tiring and it is expensive and you spend time worrying about them? Oh absolutely. But what you can't do is sit there and bash motherhood. Because if you look at just how there's something about the way parents have mothers, for example, are with their children, watch how animals are when they birth their babies.

I'm not trying to compare human beings to animals and watch protective. They are over their babies. There's something about having your own stuff, my customer, be in depth protection and you watch them develop, watch how, you know, because I'm, they get to the lines, right? You know, I love watching like National Geographic like videos and I love watching how like lion comes grow up, even those ugly hyenas. You watch how the elephants take care of their babies. Like there's something about when a mother is raising her child.

There's something about, let me tell you something, this is not even related, but I just wanted to get that out there. 'cause I spoke on this in another video. I was, we had disembarked our crew in Rome, Italy. No, it was at the park. She, she whatever it in and, but basically they considered that room and I remember we were trying to leave the terminal and this other woman was rushing and she kept running at the back of my child. And so, you know, I had to verbally chin check this lady.

I'm like, lady, what are you doing? And she tried to get loud. I said, no, no, no, no, no, you can get this work. I don't care if you're here growing or not. I'm like, what are you doing? Stop. Because you're invading my child's space. Like you can't go any faster than the people who are in front of him. So she was knocking into my childhood who was then knocking into my other child who's getting ready to get into it now. He like stop. You know, because now he's thinking that his brother stuff so crazy and he wasn't. It was just that he was getting that. And I'm like, whatcha doing? Because now I'm thinking like I'm gonna have to break up an unnecessary like verbal altercation between my two boys.

Stop. I don't stop, stop. I, you know, you know how that goes. One runs the back of somebody and he think he's doing something. Anyway, the point is there's something about how women are with their children. And now this is really not exactly regulated. This was probably just me yammering in 'cause I'm going cuff, we're going with deist women 'cause this iss not related budget that out, but they got women who are childless, child free, whichever word you wanna use to describe your scenario.

I feel like if you want to talk about how great your life is being child free, then talk about how great you it is being child free. You should not have to diminish the fire of someone else in order to light your own. You should not have to denigrate someone in order to insult yourself. I just don't understand this weird obsession with trying to tear down mothers. Now are there mothers who are in some weird situations and so maybe they can't fully enjoy motherhood the way it was maybe designed because maybe they have bad partners that they had children with.

Maybe they have financial insecurity. There could be a variety of things of course that's going on. But to sit there and say the motherhood is not rewarding. Well, people can say being child free is not rewarding. Let me tell you something. The people I know who were child free, I think as time went on and, And they would watch people who had children, like they always had, they always had these things to celebrate these little milestones.

The the school concerts that you get tired of going to, but you go because you watch as they get better playing their instrument. Do you remember the, you remember all those kinds of concerts? You, they like, they, they, people with children always have some sort of, my kids weren't theater kids, but they had some sort of theater ab thing to go to at the school or a band concert or a game, whatever it is, right?

If you're into sports, they've always had practices And they had things to celebrate end of season this. 'cause you look at where you come from, they've always had things to celebrate like a graduation and then hopefully one day, you know, they graduate from college and then they grad And they, they find somebody And they, now you have a wedding to go to And they have their own children, right? You have these milestones and things to celebrate and you have people to get together and to celebrate with during the holidays and, and, and you create these memories.

That doesn't mean that the child free person is less valuable And they can't create other memories. But what I did notice was like whenever there was always something going on, like you invite child free people because you love them too, but they were always there to celebrate other people's scenarios. Or like as a parent you get to watch your child see like the culmination and the things that they've achieved. You get to be there even when they don't reach their their highest moment, right?

You get to see that too and you get to be a part of shaping that. But to sit there and tear down motherhood, is it tiring? Oh, absolutely. Because right before I got on here, I kid you not, I mean I don't even wanna show you the text messages I sent to my, my, my son. Like I can't either driving, but I basically text him like, I told you to come down here and get your clothes and sheets. Now they should not still be down here in this laundry room. They're clean. I'm like, this is why you're getting all my nerves.

I mean look, I should say I was a perfect parent. Yes. This is annoying that I have to keep saying like, come get your crap. Absolutely. It absolutely is annoying, but it doesn't mean that, you know, motherhood isn't rewarding. It is most definitely tiring. I just don't understand if you are child free, why you would continue to go onto social media and wanna bash motherhood.

If you wanna promote being child free, then talk about the good things about being child free. Do it. Oh shoot. My whole situation just fell off. Oh, okay. Let's see. Can I get this back on here? Oh, this is tag me. Okay. Sorry. My bad. This this is wow. Situation just fell off. Anyway, so I listen to these women get on here and talk about being childfree and all these mothers are just trying to live through their kids and this, that and the other.

Well, I don't mind if, if you're calling it living through your kids, I enjoy watching my kids, you know, sec, succeed. Are there failures along the way? Yes. I'm gonna give you a quick, a quick little quick since, because this is the most recent thing. This, the first thing on my is switch basketball teams and a really good a team.

There's a couple that, that are looking at her right now. Should she, I think she's gonna get picked up. I'm fairly certain, 'cause I know one definitely asked me if one's, so there's a couple of trials out. But anyway, what I thought was interesting was like, so they saw a lot of potential in her, but when I was looking at the talent out there, she would clearly be coming from the bottom. Right? It's fine. You don't wanna be the best person on the team. 'cause where she was, she was basically one of the best on the team.

And now she's going to a place where she gets to learn and grow and she's coming from the bench, probably deep from the bench. And she's excited about the opportunity. She's been going to training and the training she went to a couple days ago, she got her behind handed to her so much. And one of the girls that she was training with, she's a little older, yelled at her. And I remember looking at my daughter because she just was exhausted.

We had to keep in mind, we just got off a plane a couple days ago. So she was jet lagged and these girls are really good. And so her basketball fitness has to come back. So I'm watching my daughter just cooked and she is ready to throw up. She's so tired and she's, but she's going a lot in the very end. She had, she was soaked from sweat and she was exhausted. And she said to me when we got in the park and I go back tomorrow, which she went, which was last night, I was like, well, we can, she was like, I don't even care that I got yelled at.

This was the most fun I had. This is the most, she's had this particular training with this particular person for the, he's also one of the coaches for the team because she's learning so much. She knows she's at the bottom right now, which that's going to change as she gets used to some of the things that they're doing, get her fitness. And she was happy and grateful. She just had her hind parts handed to her and I was so proud of her because she didn't quit even though she couldn't even look her arms anymore.

But to watch someone train and they're just getting cooked and they're getting handled and her skillset has to change, right? But she's putting in the work and to me as a mom, watching her face adversity and she's hungry and she's getting handled right now, but it, it's starting to change. It's starting to change. She's getting better. Her fitness, she was always in shape, but this is a different type of fitness for this team. And long story short, I was just really proud of watching her go through this.

And then of course my husband took her last night and I think she had a better night. Also, I think the jet lag is wearing off, et cetera. But as a mom, I get to witness this transformation and I listen to these women getting out there bashing motherhood. I'm like, stop bashing motherhood, especially for those who don't have any children. You, you need to stop bashing motherhood if you're not even in the club, how can you talk about it? You're just an outside observer, probably watching some of the worst representation of motherhood.

And then you're assigning that to all of motherhood. All right, so look, I'm close to my job. I need to get off of this phone running my mouth. I can speak to this more, but I think you get the gist of it. I was like, I was a hit dog today. I was like, bow ow. I was bellowing. Alright, you know what? Do, go ahead. Do all the things, you know, like subscribe, send this to all the single mothers or the next single, the child, the single people with without children, and then single to all the mobs.

I'm curious to hear what your thoughts are. All right, let me get off of this. And yeah, that's pretty much it. All right.

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