S5E42 The Obsession with Being Black and Something Else

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, so are you guys noticing that like, so many people are just like having a hard time with just being black? Like they always have to be something else. So like, I've been seeing this, this thing, like I feel like whenever I'm on social media, and I know I haven't been honest much lately, but for whatever reasons, especially like on my TikTok feed, I'm getting a lot of people just, it's like they're trying to be something other than who they are. So for those of you who are new to my channel, I'm the black opinionated woman, also known as a bow.

Thank you for coming to my channel. And yeah, I just wanna get on into it. So yeah, I am just seeing a bunch of people who are having a hard time just being comfortable being who they are, right? So it's like, or even if you are, other people are not comfortable with you being just who you are. So I like back in my favorite or finer younger days, or even like in today, depending on how I wear my hair, depends on like, you know, the, the season or whatever.

People will ask me like, are you like Puerto Rican or something? I'm like, first of all, in my mind I don't look Puerto Rican separately. That's not even a race. Like, it's literally like a group of people, like an ethnicity and kind of, sort of like a nationality, right? So anyway, I just noticed that there's like this, this obsession with being black and or like other, so anyway, or I had a few points I wanted to talk about that I kind of like typed out to myself since I'm sitting here in the car.

So wait, hold on. Where were my notes? Hold on a second. Hold on a second. And I guess, because I've been noticing this a lot on TikTok, I've been noticing this a lot on TikTok. So one of the things I wanted to talk about is first is being black and something else. I feel like it's just never enough. Almost like if you identify with being black, it's almost like you're tainted or something. Like you're tainted good. It's like you just can't be black.

And it's just so weird to me. And when I listen to people talk, especially like on social media, they're like, well, you know, I, I, you know, like they wanna be something else. Like people want, I think, to be exotic. People want, so like anything that distances from being black, I guess, because, you know, we, we catch it over here, people have a hard time with it. So I'm sitting here like, why do we want to distance so much mean, this is the thing, but black people we're the cultural trendsetters.

We are the cultural trend setters. Like whatever we decide to do is typically how the needle moves in terms of cultural culture, trendsetting, that sort of thing. Anyway, I just thought it was interesting because right now, like whenever I talk to people, they want to be something else. I guess maybe the thought is it's easier when life is not easy, like life is gonna life, but it's like I see so many people wanna distance themselves from, so it's almost like if I could say I'm black and something else, well, maybe I'm not considered this, but I'm not at the lowest or what is perceived to be lower, right?

By just being regular black. So when people used to ask me like, well, what are you, I'm like, I'm, I'm what? I'm like, I'm black. Whatcha talking about like, I like, to me, I just look like a regular old black person. But they're like, but and what else? And I'm like, next with more black. Now, don't get me wrong, I recognize that for those of us who are descendants from slaves, right? We have a lot of mixture, a lot of admixture, but I just identify as like a regular black woman.

And I just find it interesting that so many people want to be considered something else. They can have 1% of something else. You know, I'm part something ease or I'm part they'll be like, I am this, this, this, this, this, this. I'm like, okay, all right. You know? And especially if they're like small percentages, I'm like, why? Why? I mean, look, teacher's own, if you wanna name everything I say, do what you need to do. But I just find it interesting that there is this obsession with trying to be something other than black.

So most people want to be black and something, which means you're not just regular black. It's just so, it's, it's, I just feel like there's still a lot of like anti-blackness going on and it's internalized and I, I let people be who they are. But I think the reason why, for whatever reasons that I'm talking about it was because I was thinking about how it was just showing up in like my TikTok, I'm gonna move on to the next thing.

So I think one of the biggest things that I see is not so much as people wanting to identify with being black and something else, I don't necessarily get that portion from TikTok. I get that from like conversation. But the part that I have seen on TikTok lately has been a lot of like, I don't know how I ended up on this, but it was a lot of like discussion about like being black, but like Jack and Jill Black. And I'm like, you know, okay, I, I mean I see what's happening, right?

You know, let me just say for the record, I'm, I don't wanna say that I'm perfect because I have been guilty of separating myself. I'm like, no, that's just a little too hood for me. Like, I've done that. I look, I do it sometimes still, like when you're doing too much, I'm like, now see, I understand that, you know, you got a lot going on over there, but I don't get down like that. You know, you know, I'm not trying to get into it. I think what is standing out most to me is like when I listen to, it's mostly black women get on TikTok or whatever it is, and they go into this entire discussion about, so people say that I talk like this and blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, it was just really hard because I didn't really fit in. And don't get me wrong, I grew up in those spaces where, you know, oftentimes I was it, and you know what I mean, if you know, you know, but, and it's just me. But I feel like when I hear women, especially women who look like me, and they get on social media, and a lot of times they are young, right? So they're trying to figure some things out. Don't get me wrong. They're going through life and life is lifeing and they're figuring it out.

But it's almost as if they wear this, this token like a badge of honor. Like, I mean, I always grew up in places like this and you know, spaces like this. And I, and people are always like, well, you talk differently. And I just didn't feel it fit in. And I get it because like I said, I've been in places like that, I've spoken that way, and I think over time I found my natural voice. I think there's a lot of that almost as if like, people wanna separate themselves.

And let me just say for the record, like, I get it, I've been there before and the reason why I can call it out now is because I've been in, in, in, in shoes like that, right? I'm not perfect, but I wanna like be authentic when I have this kind of conversation here, I, I know what it's like to be in spaces where you are the only, the other, right? But I just wanna also call attention to when people, they, it's coming off as if it's like a badge of honor.

And there's this whole like, even though people won't say that they're separating themselves, but they are separating themselves, right? They, they separate themselves because they don't want to be seen as like a regular black person. And as I've gotten older, I don't, I feel less like I need to perform for people and I just allow people to think what they want. I feel like people are allowed to think what they want at the end of the day is not my, it's, it's not my business.

What's going on in your mind? It's not my business. What is going on in your mind? So anyway, when I listen to people talk about being from the suburbs or being part of Jack and Jill, if they really wanna separate themselves, it, it is giving a hint of classism. It's almost like a way of signaling that like, well, my family had some means. Now, you know, that varies depending on like location and area and stuff like that.

But I feel like people are trying to signal like, I didn't grow up like you ies or I didn't grow up like the best of you black me black blacks. That's what it's giving to me. I don't know, I could be wrong, I could be wrong, but I am seeing that often show up. And I, and I guess because we're going through times where it's tough out here in these streets, I think people are trying to find ways to separate themselves or to elevate themselves, you know, in order to find value or perceive value, right?

It's almost as if like there's seeking this outside validation. And then the one thing about seeking outside validation, like I always talk to my daughter, I say I tell it to my kids, but primarily my daughter, if said thing validates you, it can also invalidate you, right? So you have to learn how to self validate and it's really hard, whether it's, you know, how much money you make or what position you play in something, or I don't, I don't know if if those things are the validators, then what happens when you don't have those things?

Are you now invalidated? So I feel like when I'm hearing people get out here on social media and they wanna let you know that they grew up in the suburbs or that they were a different type of black or because they were part of Jack and Jill, that's, it's, it's, it's like a, it's like a self-esteem issue with that individual, with those people because they have to signal their value. They almost have to tell you, they have to like reel you in so that you can assign this, this value.

Like you can elevate them so you can allot and applaud them, right? So that's what I'm seeing a lot. And I, and I, I don't know, I don't know how this video is gonna be perceived and you know, I I I will, will take the body blows because, you know, sometimes someone has to shine a lens to you, right? You have to have a lens shined on you.

I saw a comment on my TikTok in reference to a woman. She had dmd me privately regarding something that I had commented on her page and she was hurt by it, but I didn't wanna hurt her, right? Because her experiences are validated. But I wanted to also say, hey, perhaps there may be a blind spot when we have the conversation, like when it's presented in this kind of way right now, she can take it or leave it.

That's not the exact verbiage that I use, but I wanted to just say, Hey look, I don't wanna hurt you. And I think this, this woman is amazing. I think she's amazing. But oftentimes we have a blind spot and we don't know how, like we don't see the optics and how things may be like how we come off. Anyway, I just wanted to point out, there's a lot of this, you know, I'm from the suburbs and you know, I was part of Jack and Jill and trust me, I'm sure if you comb through my videos, I've said some of those silly things. But like, when you're older and you know better, you do better.

And sometimes, like I told you, I know on the inside, sometimes I can be really judgmental. Look, this is a character flaw of mine. Like there are times when I can be judgmental on the inside. Like there are times when I'm like, mm mm let me turn this light on because I feel like it's getting dark out here, right? So like, I know that's a character flaw. Is this too bright or should I leave this off a little longer? Look at half my face went dark, maybe I should turn this on. I don't know. Anyway, it's like a character flaw of mine, right?

I know I can be judgmental, but the fact of the matter is, I just wanted to point out to this young lady like, Hey, I want you to think about the optics of the things that you're saying when you go out and you say X, Y, z. It's like almost like being a pick me. So anyway, where I was going with this was getting back to the topic. When the people who are out here on social media talking about, like, I grew up in the suburbs and you know, they bring up Jack and Jill and all this other stuff like that, it's signaling something. You are trying to, I think you're trying to gain value.

You want people to pedestal you as being better. So you're like, you're separating yourself and you are being penalized or being pedestal, and you wanna be seen as better and, and you are using this, this separate, this, this, this. It's almost like classism. So that, you know, you can be validated as being one of the better black people. So anyway, if you're new to my channel and you're just popping into to anything, or I, I just wanna recap. The first thing I said was, a lot of people who are black who look like me always wanna be be black in something else, right?

They want to be black in something else. They can't just be black, they gotta be black and some other race or from some other area. I didn't even call this out, but I noticed a lot of people who are from the continent of the African continent, they so desperately wanna separate themselves from being black Americans, but everything that they're doing over here signals that they actually wanna be just like us by this whole issue. The second thing I talked about was, you know, this whole wanting to be separate or you wanna be something else, like you wanna be considered better than like the regular black person by like calling out the fact that you grew up in the suburbs or you're a part of Jack and Jill.

I don't know how, like I said, I don't know how I ended up on that part of the TikTok stuff, but I'm sitting here talking about it on YouTube. I wanted to talk about, I kind of like touched on this. The other thing was like palatability, like being one of those palatable black people, right? For a long time. Well, I would even still say so now, like I have been considered palatable. I think oftentimes it depends on the black person, but some people, I think some people take pleasure slash pride and maybe how they're speaking, right?

I, so I think people wanna sound less urban or less black. What, what, whatever that means, right? Even though we're not a monolith, but there's a stereotype of black people sounding a certain kind of way. And, and I get it, but I feel like people are trying to definitely make sure you understand or recognize that like, I'm not like those black people, if that makes any sense. I'm not like those black people. It's more like, I am safer because I sound like closer to you.

Or for those who may look a certain way, like I look closer to you. I think that there's this, this push to be other than the the regular black person because the regular black person isn't good enough. It's kinda like I can, I can benefit from your hard work and the things that you fight for, but I, I wanna make it clear I'm not one of those black people. That's, that's what is giving to me. That's what's showing up on my feed. I'm just saying now look, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

You can go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I've been wrong before and I will be wrong again. I'm probably wrong right now. I'm just speaking about what I'm noticing in, in my thoughts. These are my both thoughts. I'm allowed to have my own both thoughts. I, anyway, I just think that a lot of people who look like me, I think they want to be considered relatable and, and approachable, palatable, basically.

So that's just my opinion. This is, lemme put my seat here on this is what, what I'm getting. So when I see people out there on social media and the way they're talking and the way the, the message that they're putting down, that's the, that's what it's giving to me. Like I said, maybe I'm seeing this wrong, but I just feel like there is this obsession with being something other than black. I don't know.

And then the last thing, again, it was more about being a regular black, right? I feel like people want to, it's really actually, I would think rooted back in colorism or something. I don't know. I think people want to be less stereotypically black. So I, I don't know. I think, I think people, I will say this, I have been guilty of this. Now look, I know you're gonna judge me, but I I wanna be vulnerable for a minute.

So a moment ago I mentioned that oftentimes I can be like judgmental and oftentimes I would feel like when I was dealing with people who look like me, and if I was frustrated and, and knowing that maybe they haven't like finished schooling or something like that. And sometimes I would be frustrated when I would try to convey other, I would say other sides of the coin, other opinions.

And I felt like oftentimes people would be purposefully obtuse or just a contrarian just to be a contrarian, right? I mean, and because, and I was like, ugh, it's because like he, he or she didn't finish school or whatever. Mostly he, right? And I have been guilty of that. I feel like there were times when I was like, oh, I'm not like them because like this, this guy is in dingdong mode.

I think where I'm going with it was, I used to try to do, and I think I still do that sometimes because I'm flawed, right? Sometimes I'm like, Hmm, okay, I can tell what's happening here. Right? The point I'm making is I feel like there's this push to not be considered a regular black person. Even though people, it's like they identify as black, but they wanna be something else, like low key. I feel like people who can't hide their blackness, they try to separate themselves by saying like, oh, well I grew up in suburbs, or, oh, I went to school, or I was part of Jack and Jill, or, I don't talk like that.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, that's what I'm getting. This is what is coming off to me. But look, if this is a bad take, it might be a back taken. I'm okay with people saying, Hey, have you considered this? Just be respectful. Right? But that's what I'm seeing. That is what I'm seeing. I just said, that's what I'm seeing. Then I said, that's what I'm seeing. But see what I'm saying? Like, I, I think about things like that. I think about things like that.

Like, oh, leun, see what you're saying? But, and it could just be because that's how I always grew up, especially in school, stuff like that. Like you had to be clear on what it was that you were saying they wanted you to enunciate. I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too much of it, but I, I just see it a lot. I see a lot of women doing that. And on the one hand, there are certain things I don't think they're wrong about. I think if you're, if you're separating yourself for protection, like, I get it.

If you're, if you're separating yourself more so for elevation, for validation for someone to la and applaud everything about you, well that's something different. And we all do it in different ways, right? Like none of us is, none of us is perfect. We are flawed. I know I am, because like I said, I know I could be judgmental at times. I'm telling you when people are, they start talking like crazy ignorant. I'm like, mm, some people can't be saved.

I've been guilty of that. Like, I don't know. Look, let me know your thoughts. Let me know your thoughts. This is a good time to subscribe to my channel. By the way, I'm gonna tell you, you some why I am practically perfect in every way and can practically do no wrong, but I'm interested in hearing what your thoughts are on this topic. I don't know, maybe I got it wrong, but that's what is coming up to me.

That's what it's giving, that's what I'm feeling. That is what I'm feeling. People want to be separated from those black people over there. And I've been guilty of it, but I feel like it's even more prevalent maybe because people are hurting right now. There's a lot going on out here in these streets. There's a lot. And I think people are trying to find a way to have purpose and value within self, right?

Because everybody's just being beat down in one way or another. So how do you make yourself feel better? How can you separate yourself so that you're not one of those, like, like how do you make yourself more palatable to the power structure? I don't know. Anyway, all right, so I'm going to, I found these, I forgot. I have these, I'm going to eat this. It's a girl scout. It's like a chocolate and mint situation.

Can you guys see that? Girl Scouts? Oh, it's definitely backwards. Anyway, I'll show you what it is. I don't even really like chocolate, but I like mint. It's this piece of chocolate and the shape of a girl scout symbol, and it's got mint on the inside. I'm going to eat that because I want to, and, and that's it. And I don't even like chocolate. I don't really eat a lot of chocolate. All right, that's it. Let me know your thoughts until the next time.

Bye.

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