S5E45 Soft Life for Black Kids... Changing the Narrative

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Right. Good morning bows and bow ties. Black Opinionated Woman here, also known as a bow. I wanna welcome anyone who is joining in on my channel. Welcome, welcome, welcome. So I currently have this titled Soft Life for Black Children or Black Kids Changing the Narrative. I don't know if this title will remain, but let me start off by saying this.

I was in book club last week and it's kind of like tangentially kind of, sort of a little bit, a lot of, bit related. And we were discussing the book, it was written by Sonya Curry, the woman, the mother of Stephan Curry, who placed with the full orders. It was called Fierce Love. And in our book Love, we were discussing our thoughts on the book. And you know what I didn't know at the time was as I was reading this, I would've probably read it differently, but I believe, or we believe she was writing this book while she was going through a divorce.

I didn't know that. So then I probably would've been a little bit more lenient, but in, in terms of what I thought about how the book was written. So there were some interesting tidbits in the book, but ultimately the title of the book was called A Fierce Love. And in the book, I may have to come off camera guys 'cause this is so bright, so I may just have to put my avatar on.

But in the book she teach, she kind of rules over her children with an iron fist. Very authoritarian. Like just tough, tough, tough, tough, tough. And I guess to me, I know I have standards and that can be tough on my case, but I do think there has to be a, a, a gray area, a soft area. And I say software reason, but there has to be a soft area. I, I am Gen X, I'm the, on the younger side of Gen X, but I am Gen X.

And I grew up during a time when it was like I didn't really get a lot of spankings. I think I maybe have gotten one or two in my life, but generally speaking, you know, my upbringing was such that, you know, I grew up with all the old things that he took up tickets with or whatever. But we're all going with this with, I think because of the era and what I was brought up, so many people like me were, were used to parents being just weirdly just tough and unyielding and deals too.

Now I, I'm, I'm painting a, I'm broad brushing here, so if it doesn't apply, let it fly. And, and when I think this things, not everything really applied to me anyway. So when I was listening to her talk about how she was a mother and how she parented and all these things, and I was like, I am not a hundred percent like, and no one is really a hundred percent I like anybody's. Okay, So let me get to why I wanted to talk about this Soft Life for Black Kids.

For one, I don't think black kids should always have to earn everything, and that's gonna sound crazy, but I want you to just stick with me as I fumble through this because I, I I feel like I'm gonna fumble through this and hopefully you pick up with what I am attempting to put down. I'm not talking about earning, you know, scholarship or something like that.

Or maybe I am, I don't know where, where I'm going with it is sometimes it's okay for kids to be given something. I feel oftentimes our black children are forced to have to be tough all the time And they have to earn this and be top and, and deal with struggles. And I, I, I don't believe that. I don't believe that at all.

I believe, I don't care what your means are, what whatever spoil looks like to you. Okay, so you could be a meager me, but let's say you have, I don't know, a container of cookies and every once in a while, all my kids go eat cookies in the morning. But it's a bad example. But like letting the kids just eat the cookie even if it's not for dessert. That's a really bad example. I, well I'm saying is regardless of where you sit in the spectrum in terms of time, resources, et cetera, I think that black children have to be allowed to live the soft life too.

And the soft life is going to vary based on your means and stuff. And what I mean by that is I don't want everything to be so rigid for these kids where it's like everything is devoid of joy. It's just devoid of like luxury. It's just devoid of some, I don't wanna say laziness because this is not giving the sentiment that, that I'm trying to convey here.

But I feel like oftentimes our, our black children are painted as these tough kids. And I, I don't like that. I mean 'cause they are tough. But I like for kids to also be able to sit in their emotions for a minute. No, I'm not talking about just crying and having no down the all time because you need to know how to handle adversity. But I feel like black children need to be given space to hurt and acknowledge the hurt.

I think we also need to give the space to not just, we gotta do this accomplish, accomplish. We gotta do this, accomplish more, do this forgive discipline, discipline, discipline, achieve. Like I feel like they gotta give them space in this soft life where they can discover other parts of themselves that they, they normally wouldn't have that opportunity to discover you. I feel like because we have collectively been put into a situation in, in the community and, and look, like I said, if it doesn't apply, let it apply.

'cause not all things apply to me, but I feel like we've been collectively put into this position where our children, it's like, go achieve in sports, go achieve in this. I put this house clean, you know, you better not talk back. And all those things should still be valid. But I feel like our kids should have space to enjoy the self life too. To be lazy sometimes so that this is not come up the way I want, but to be able to enjoy rest.

Maybe that's the work, rest and relaxation. And in that it allows for them to discover talents and interests they never would have before. It, it allows for them to, to, it's almost like transformational where you are discovering in your rest. 'cause your mind is allowed to, to wander. Like your body doesn't have to constantly be under their rest, like the height, right?

You get to have wonder. You get to be creative. You know what, when you're resting, you perform better in school. Now when I say all these things, I don't want to give this this impression that like my kids don't have chores And they do a horrible job at home. I don't want to give the impression that I, I I'm, I'm trying to raise these, these wimpy kids because I feel like sometimes I need to be a little bit, sorry, my alarm cut you off.

I said there are times when I feel like I need to be able to show more grace and mercy to my kids, right? But what I, what I'm getting at is when, when we are willing to give our kids a little bit more of the soft life, it's more like giving them opportunities that we didn't have. Like I know oftentimes there's a mentality where it's like, well I have to do this and you need to do this too. And I feel like no, there are times when it's like, well maybe I have to do this and now I've worked hard so that you don't have to, I want to make it so that you don't have to be stressed.

I want to make it so that you can explore something else. You can discover something else. And I think I'm gonna have to come off a camera for this. I am like out here in the streets and I got this light on and I know people are like, what does she feel like in her car? I feel like with this, this, that this video is not clear. Anyway. So when, when I talk about this off life with these kids, I just feel like we need to be willing to say or to to, to do things where these kids have an opportunity to you be at peace and, and, and rest and, and have a period of discovery and not have to be so tense and it's not so fidget.

And I feel like it shouldn't have to come at a major call zone all the time. Like we should just give it, it should be given, it gonna be. See, I wrote a couple of notes down and I don't even think I went in in order in which I wanted to present this, but I think the main thing is softness is kind of a luxury, but I don't want it to be like this big luxury. It needs to be more of just a human right, if possible.

Like I said, like I'm fumbling over my words here because I did not go according to a couple of bullets that I have written down. But I just wanted to just speak because I, I feel like when I see kids all the time, like at least our kids, like we are trying so hard to prepare them for this harsh world. And we need to remember at home, it needs to be solved at home is is safety at home is where you rest at home is where you can have periods of discovery at home to be creative and, and at home you don't have to be perfect and you don't have to be on, you don't have to be on a neighbor of mine asked me one time about why I don't typically invite people into my home.

And I told her she's so awesome by the way. But I told her, I said, you know, home is where I, I feel my pace, my when I rest. I was like, when I leave my house, I go out into a world and not that this is hampering me, but I, I go to places where there I am not represented, right? Like whether it's at where everyone's in the store, but I by where I live, I was like, so when I get home, that's my space, that's my peace, that's my family.

And I generally don't like to allow a invite a whole bunch of people into my home anyway, regardless of what you're, what you look like or anything like that. I just, it's my, my place of peace. So you mean very rarely see me invite people over. I don't want to entertain people in my home. I just don't want to because that's where I experience the soft life. I don't have to be on, I can dress however I want.

I can be the soft person that I am, but I just feel like that's what we need for our kids. I think our kids should be experiencing the self life too. It shouldn't just be for other people. Our kids should be able like something so simple. Like I know like when you, if if you are fortunate to be able to go out to dinner on occasion, we let our kids order what they want, how are they ever gonna learn?

We want them to try new foods, right? And always just be like, no, don't do this. This is too expensive. Like try it now. Granted we are very fortunate that we can do that on occasion. It that the norm. No, I feel like, like I said, I'm fumbling through this that miss anything. Oh, you know what it is? I did, I did. I underlined something. I feel like, sorry, something popped into my throat.

I feel like when our kids are allowed the opportunity to rest, to be canceled and nurtured, I feel like our kids feel like that they are valued. Like everything about them doesn't have to be so transactional. I gotta do this, I gotta do this for other people. Now it's more like they, they are catered to too. Now granted of course, you know, to the house, but what I'm saying is when they're home it's like they are realizing they are valued, they are loved.

They're not just here to serve people, to just do this accomplishments, just accomplish this, be this, do that. I'm like, these are like, I don't know if I'm doing a good job. Like, like I said, I knew I was gonna fumble over this, but hopefully people are getting the gist of what this, that I'm trying to say. I think when you allow kids to experience that self life at home for sure, or even externally, I think they start to realize how much they are valued because they're treated like they're precious, right?

Usually when you're part of the soft life, like you value certain things, you treat, you're treated a certain way. That's what I want my kids to recognize, understand. But they are valued, they are loved. We sacrifice for them. Not all all, but you understand what I'm saying? Right? Okay. But to see, I think the biggest thing with the soft life too, Washington say the biggest thing. One of the other things I was gonna say is making sure that they are just exposed to other things than like the norm, allowing their minds to wander, wander.

I said wonder I might wander allowing them cells to be put in just completely different environments, scenarios, trying different foods, experiencing new people. Let me tell you something. Just trying different supports going differently. Like, you know, like granted and I understand like this isn't for everyone, but I just feel like we need to be able to get our kids to soft life. I don't care what your environment or your, your, your, your background is.

When, when the kids are home, there should be an element of the soft life for them. Of course they gotta accomplish their, their chores and stuff, but it's like allowing them to express themselves, try new things, own their emotions. Like I get on my kids all the time, like especially if they get way too. I'm like, wait, wait, why are you f I'm not saying it's always wrong, but I'm like, why? Because certain things don't mean certain emotions, right?

But just talking to them instead of like cut that out. I mean there's times we need, need to do that. It's more like, well what is happening here? Explain to me why you're feeling this way so I can understand, you know? I don't know. I guess to me, I feel like black kids should be able to experience the soft life and we need to change the narrative around how our kids are spoken of.

I'll say this and then I'll end this. Our children are not these little, I don't know, army warriors. They're not, they're young people. I'm so tired. Sorry, I'm tired. Didn didn't have my coffee. They're, they're, they're not these, these, I mean everybody is a machine, but I'm like, they're, they're human people who experience the full range of emotions like everyone else.

And I feel like they should be having a soft life. So to wrap this up, this is a good time for anybody who wants to subscribe to my channel to do so right now. 'cause I'm amazing and everybody can do no wrong. When I think about that book and I think about when she wrote this book, it sounded like she was so authoritarian. It was just really hard. And if I'm giving some grace, you know, I guess the thing, she wrote this book, she was going through what she was going through.

I'm talking about Sonya Curry and if you love the book that she wrote, I just felt like when I was reading it at the time, I'm like, where's the grace for these kids if they make a mistake? And I think that's what it is that I want to provide for my kids. I I don't believe in gentle parenting, let's be clear. But I also feel like it doesn't have to be so rigid. I have a set of stake at home.

Half the time they, they meet them after dumb, they don't, but at least it's there for them to constantly try, try and achieve. All right, now that I finish fumbling through what it was that I was trying to say, that was just my Ted talk. I don't know why this looks so blurry on here. But thank you for listening. Hopefully you'll subscribe and hopefully I will be back on soon. And until next time, go watch all my videos. Have a good one.

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